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Funny Reports Quotes
Funny Quotes about Reports

Let these funny Reports Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

This report, by its very length, defends itself
against the risk of being read.
- Winston Churchill

I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police
because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.
- Ilie Nastase


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Well, when you come down to it,
I don't see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch


 

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain

It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The length of this document defends it well
against the risk of its being read.
- Winston Churchill

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

You may as well laugh at life,
because it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous

A well-developed sense of humor
is the pole that adds balance to your steps,
as you walk the tightrope of life.
- William Arthur Ward

Trust your own inner guidance.
Have faith that your steps are
carrying you toward your dreams.
Keep your eyes on the heavens
and believe that your feet will carry you well.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hatred is blind, as well as love.
- Oscar Wilde

Live Well, Love Much, Laugh Often.
- Anonymous

The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace.
A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being
that places harmony in one's life.
- Peace Pilgrim

Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional

Imagine for yourself a character,
a model personality whose example you determine to follow,
in private as well as in public.
- Epictetus

Being angry harms your physical,
emotional, and spiritual well-being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Never trust a man who speaks well of everybody
- John Churton Collins

Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a dangerous - ultimately fatal - endeavor,
so you may as well live it full out.
Chart your course, cast off the lines,
and boldly sail the seas of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous

Life is not about how fast you run
or how high you climb
but how well you bounce.
- Vivian Komori

How many things there are concerning which we might
well deliberate whether we had better know them.
- Henry David Thoreau

To live is to choose. But to choose well,
you must know who you are and what you stand for,
where you want to go and why you want to get there.
- Kofi Annan

Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength
which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.
- Marcus Aurelius

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread.
- John Muir

The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Well done is better than well said.
- Benjamin Franklin

I was losing interest in politics,
when the repeal of the Missouri Compromise aroused me again.
What I have done since then is pretty well known.
- Abraham Lincoln

Ambition has one heel nailed in well,
though she stretch her fingers to touch the heavens.
- Lao Tzu

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing,
we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger,
but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
- Robert Cushing

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread,
places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and cheer
and give strength to the body and soul.
- John Muir

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry

Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace
and those who could make a good peace
would never have won the war.
- Winston Churchill

He's my friend that speaks well of me behind my back.
- Thomas Fuller

Doing well is the result of doing good.
That's what capitalism is all about.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

People often say that motivation doesn't last.
Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
- Zig Ziglar

There is no point at which you can say,
"Well, I'm successful now.
I might as well take a nap."
- Carrie Fisher

For a people who are free, and who mean to remain so,
a well-organized and armed militia is their best security.
- Thomas Jefferson

A house is not a home unless it
contains food and fire
for the mind as well as the body.
- Benjamin Franklin

That some achieve great success,
is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.
- Abraham Lincoln

The more we care for the happiness of others,
the greater is our own sense of well-being.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The well-timed question is more impacting than an answer.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Whatever your life's work is, do it well.
A man should do his job so well that the living,
the dead, and the unborn could do it no better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver

The best friend is the man who in wishing me well
wishes it for my sake.
- Anonymous

So confident am I in the intentions,
as well as wisdom, of the government,
that I shall always be satisfied that what is not done,
either cannot, or ought not to be done.
- Thomas Jefferson

One may as well dam for water tanks
the people's cathedrals and churches,
for no holier temple has ever
been consecrated by the heart of man.
- John Muir

Rights that do not flow from duty
well performed are not worth having.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Always aim at complete harmony
of thought and word and deed.
Always aim at purifying your thoughts
and everything will be well.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin

If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie

Life should not be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a Ride!"
- Hunter S. Thompson

Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
- Frank Lloyd Wright


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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