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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Think Quotes
Funny Quotes about Think

Let these funny Think Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid


 

If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I think serial monogamy says it all.
- Tracey Ullman


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I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography
until after they're dead.
- Samuel Goldwyn

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.
- Ellen DeGeneres

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

Women don't want to hear what you think.
Women want to hear what they think -
in a deeper voice.
- Bill Cosby

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein

To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If a million people say a foolish thing,
it is still a foolish thing.
- Anatole France

The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind

Inspire people to do things for themselves.
Inspire people to think for themselves.
- Bono

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie

Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel

The problem with making assumptions
is that we believe they are the truth
- don Miguel Ruiz

We should not pretend to understand the world
only by the intellect.
The judgment of the intellect
is only part of the truth.
- Carl Jung

I hear many people talk about their longing for a balanced life.
What I think they are really expressing
is a desire for a life with less pressure.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We must dare to think "unthinkable" thoughts.
- J. W. Fulbright

The most incomprehensible thing about the world
is that it is comprehensible.
- Albert Einstein

All truths are easy to understand
once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
- Galileo Galilei

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein

I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's
most effective criticism until you provoke him.
Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
- Henry David Thoreau

Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell

I don't know if we each have a destiny,
or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze.
But I, I think maybe it's both.
- the movie Forrest Gump


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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