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Funny Break Up Quotes
Funny Quotes about Break Ups

Let these funny Break Up Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

 

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

I understand why marriages break up over golf. I can't even talk about my own handicap because it's too upsetting.
- Shia LaBeouf

Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling.
- Matt LeBlanc


 

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

I know one husband and wife who, whatever the official reasons given to the court for the break up of their marriage, were really divorced because the husband believed that nobody ought to read while he was talking and the wife that nobody ought to talk while she was reading.
- Vera Brittain


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You can learn how to let go of the past.
Whether you have experienced a break up
with someone you cared for deeply,
whether death has taken a loved one,
whether you have had a feud with a friend or family member,
whether you have lost a job.
Move on and let go.
Life can be joyful and rewarding again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Revenge... is like a rolling stone,
which, when a man hath forced up a hill,
will return upon him with a greater violence,
and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
- Albert Schweitzer

When you break up, your whole identity is
shattered. It's like death.
- Dennis Quaid

The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless is mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly - indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.
- Arianna Huffington

Drugs ruin peoples lives, break up families and have disastrous effects on our communities.
- Adam Rickitt

Although the Internet makes it seem as if you have a direct connection to the securities market, you don't. Lines may clog; systems may break; orders may back-up.
- Arthur Levitt

I knew that as a DJ from 1970 on up that I would eventually come with this sound. I brought out all these other break beats that you hear so much on a lot of these records.
- Afrika Bambaataa

I think my biggest break though came probably on Patriot Games because it was the biggest, longest second unit up to that point. It was like five months of shooting and a huge crew.
- David R. Ellis

I think it would be absolutely reckless and irresponsible for anyone to try and break up Microsoft.
- Steve Ballmer

Having a track record to live up to and the history of successes had become a hindrance. It becomes harder to break out of what people expect you to do.
- Paul Simon

The world is full of fools; and he who would not wish to see one, must not only shut himself up alone, but must also break his looking-glass.
- Nicolas Boileau

Any time I break up with Dawson or question him, viewers turn against me.
- Katie Holmes

There's moments where I want to break down and cry, but not give up.
- Ashlee Simpson

We usually break our records every Monday, so we'll see what turns up tonight after midnight. Next month it'll probably be higher, which is always weird.
- Drew Curtis

I talked about the barriers created by monopolies. I said that it was the role of government to break up these monopolies and that we couldn't do it alone.
- Joichi Ito

Who is ever adequate? We all create situations each other can't live up to, then break our hearts at them because they don't.
- Elizabeth Bowen

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won't stand for that.
- Steve Martin

That's maybe the most important thing each generation does, is to break a lot of rules and make up their own way of doing things.
- Jackson Browne

We need creativity in order to break free from the temporary structures that have been set up by a particular sequence of experience.
- Edward de Bono

If you say, I love you, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity.
- Jean Baudrillard

Whenever the government of the United States shall break up, it will probably be in consequence of a false direction having been given to public opinion.
- James F. Cooper

I've been here 21 years, and I literally did walk up and down Music Row trying to break into the business. I felt very free to go into any publishing company.
- Steven Curtis Chapman

One way to break up any kind of tension is good deep breathing.
- Byron Nelson

Few things tend more to alienate friendship than a want of punctuality in our engagements. I have known the breach of a promise to dine or sup to break up more than one intimacy.
- William Hazlitt

When I first went on tour with PJ in '98, I was still in shock having gone through the Soundgarden break up.
- Matt Cameron

After the break up of the municipality and the loss of his income my father lost health and spirits.
- Catherine Helen Spence

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.
- Earl Wilson

Break up the printing presses and you break up rebellion.
- Dudley Nichols

The ultimate would be to compete in a couple more Olympics, hopefully break some world records and wind up my sports career with a couple of years in the WNBA.
- Marion Jones

While you're improvising, you may come up with something which will break him up. As soon as that smile comes out, you know that, hey, we're having fun.
- Shelley Berman

I mean, I was born the day war broke out, but I don't remember all the bombs though they did actually break up Liverpool, you know. I remember when I was a little older, there was big gaps in all the streets where houses used to be. We used to play over them.
- Ringo Starr

As I was coming up on the stage, there was one source that could make or break you, the New York Times. Inevitably there would be one actor singled out for a better review, or worse, than somebody else. The effect of that was cancerous, divisive.
- Kevin Bacon

It's difficult for me to feel that a solid page without the breakups of paragraphs can be interesting. I break mine up perhaps sooner than I should in terms of the usage of the English language.
- A. E. van Vogt

When something like that happens, people want to try to find some dirt and make it more of a soap opera. But I think we both walked away with the door still open, if we want to do something together again. So yeah, I would call it a friendly break-up.
- Scott Stapp

I grew up playing war. We threw dirt and rocks at each other. We'd lead attacks. We'd break up into squads. It became a neighborhood thing for a while, our neighborhood against the other neighborhood. There was always a war breaking out somewhere.
- David James Elliott

I remember driving home one evening while they were reviewing the papers on the radio. One of the articles was about me separating from my wife. It's a weird thing to listen to a news report about the break-up of your marriage.
- Rory Bremner

I'm always struck by the kids who turn up in New York and LA, and places in between. Chicago. Wanting to do theater, wanting to do independent film. Wanting to break into television or radio.
- Frank Rich

The events of September 11 and what has happened since have made people understand that even a small, distant and far away country like Afghanistan cannot be left to break up into anarchy and chaos without consequences for the whole world.
- Lakhdar Brahimi

I try to write in plain brown blocks of American speech but occasionally set in an ancient word or a strange word just to startle the reader a little bit and to break up the monotony of the plain American cadence.
- James Laughlin

She didn't break his heart, but I feel like a man is supposed to be a man, he ain't supposed to be all involved in that. That's why she got sisters and friend for. Just show up with the ring and act right.
- Mike Epps

When theology erodes and organization crumbles, when the institutional framework of religion begins to break up, the search for a direct experience which people can feel to be religious facilitates the rise of cults.
- Daniel Bell

When Bob came through Cincinnati, he wanted a girl singer to be on his show. There was a local contest, and my sister and I entered, but Bob said, Gee, I wouldn't break up the team.
- Rosemary Clooney

Americans, who make more of marrying for love than any other people, also break up more of their marriages, but the figure reflects not so much the failure of love as the determination of people not to live without it.
- Morton Hunt

I get up around 6:30. I work from about 8:00 to 1:00, take a break for lunch, work again until about 5:00, and then go for a long walk and have dinner. Then, if my wife and I have no previous plans, we decide what to do for the evening.
- Chaim Potok

When I began to think about the head of the family, the storyteller, the rise of television which became the new storyteller, the break-up of the American family as an idea and then Avalon came.
- Barry Levinson

I put up a huge wall of denial. It was years before I was able to break through it... accepting that your child has a disability, especially one like LD that cannot be seen or easily diagnosed, is one of the hardest things to come to terms with.
- Anne Ford

It's up to us, the people, to break immoral laws, and resist. As soon as the leaders of a country lie to you, they have no authority over you. These maniacs have no authority over us. And they might be able to put our bodies in prison, but they can't put our spirits in prison.
- Cindy Sheehan

I already hated that gray suit and then having to go through putting on that wig with a false front - again made me feel so trapped inside this person who was desperately wanting to break out of it but she was so caught up in the web of deception that she couldn't.
- Kim Novak

Even as someone who's labeled a conservative - I'm a Republican I'm black, I'm heading up this organization in the Reagan administration - I can say that conservatives don't exactly break their necks to tell blacks that they're welcome.
- Clarence Thomas

Break-ups are hard for anybody, but it's particularly tough when it's being documented and you see the person's picture everywhere. Most people don't have that added problem when they break up with someone.
- Winona Ryder

I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo

Life is short,
Break the Rules.
Forgive quickly,
Kiss SLOWLY.
Love truly.
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret
ANYTHING
That makes you smile
- Mark Twain

We all go through life bristling
at our external limitations,
but the most difficult chains
to break are inside us.
- Bradley Whitford

If it were not for hopes, the heart would break.
- Thomas Fuller

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
- Russell Baker

If the machine of government is of such a nature
that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another,
then, I say, break the law.
- Henry David Thoreau

Love is the hardest habit to break, and the most difficult to satisfy.
- Drew Barrymore

Maturity is only a short break in adolescence.
- Jules Feiffer

It is easier to prevent bad habits than to break them.
- Benjamin Franklin

Like a bird in flight, your life can soar
above the troubles of the world.
Breathe deep, choose, and break the shackles of your past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Break open a cherry tree and there are no flowers, but the spring breeze brings forth myriad blossoms.
- Ikkyu Sojun

Sorrows gather around great souls as storms do around mountains; but, like them, they break the storm and purify the air of the plain beneath them.
- Jean Paul

The fewer rules a coach has, the fewer rules there are for players to break.
- John Madden

Our sense of power is more vivid when we break a man's spirit than when we win his heart.
- Eric Hoffer

Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.
- William Arthur Ward


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