Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Search Funny Quotes | Links-2 | About
Albert Einstein Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes by Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Related topics: Funny Cynical Romantic Love Marriage
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
If people are good only because they
fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
- Albert Einstein
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes
the objects of his creation
and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein
The faster you go, the shorter you are.
- Albert Einstein
If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein
The road to perdition has ever been
accompanied by lip service to an ideal.
- Albert Einstein
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
The difference between stupidity and genius
is that genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
- Albert Einstein
A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
- Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
I don't know, I don't care,
and it doesn't make any difference!
- Albert Einstein
Science without religion is lame,
religion without science is blind.
- Albert Einstein
Confusion of goals and perfection of means seems,
in my opinion, to characterize our age.
- Albert Einstein
Human beings must have action;
and they will make it if they cannot find it.
- Albert Einstein
Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein
The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything
save our modes of thinking
and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Albert Einstein
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein
Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein
It has become appallingly obvious that
our technology has exceeded our humanity.
- Albert Einstein
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.
- Albert Einstein
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
As far as I'm concerned, I prefer
silent vice to ostentatious virtue.
- Albert Einstein
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
- Albert Einstein
Women Quotes and Sayings
Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
- Marilyn Monroe
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Want Quotes and Sayings
Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
Getting old is a fascination thing.
The older you get, the older you want to get.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Nine-tenths of the people were created
so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
One day Alice came to a fork in the road
and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree.
"Which road do I take?" she asked.
His responses was a question: "Where do you want to go?"
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
- Lewis Carroll
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
We only see what we want to see,
and hear what we want to hear
- don Miguel Ruiz
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
- Dan Stanford
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you live to be a hundred,
I want to live to be a hundred minus one day,
so I never have to live without you.
- Winnie the Pooh
Thank you for visiting these quotes and sayings. See more funny quotes.