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God Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about God
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
Man plans, God laughs
- Yiddish Proverb
I distrust those people who know so well
what God wants them to do,
because I notice it always coincides
with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Religion often gets in the way of God.
- Bono
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God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
- Mother Teresa
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes
the objects of his creation
and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein
Stupidity is also a gift of God,
but one mustn't misuse it.
- Pope John Paul II
God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
God is at play,
I am his modeling clay.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken
It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson
I am still amazed at how big, how enormous
a love and mystery God is -
and how small are the minds
that attempt to corral
this life force into rules and taboos,
cults and sects.
- Bono
I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5
God has cared for these trees,
saved them from drought, disease, avalanches,
and a thousand tempests and floods.
But he cannot save them from fools.
- John Muir
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
What does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
- the movie Simon Birch (1998)
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire
It is much more painful to have lost
something you thought you had,
than never to have had it at all.
If feels as if our trust was dashed.
We are disappointed and we are angry;
but not quite sure at who to direct our anger.
Someone, perhaps "the system," perhaps God,
should have done better.
Most of all we are angry at ourselves -
even though we did our best -
and we are afraid.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau
God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon
I cannot persuade myself that a
beneficent and omnipotent God
would have designedly created parasitic wasps
with the express intention of their feeding
within the living bodies of caterpillars.
- Charles Darwin
The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm actually starting to like more and more people
who have convictions that are unpopular.
Now at what point does an unpopular conviction
interfere with your own human rights?
Forced female circumcision, for instance.
The Catholic Church's stance on contraception.
The list goes on. You know, God has some really weird kids,
and I find it hard to be in their company most of the time.
- Bono
I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts
Gods Quotes and Sayings
All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Pull Quotes and Sayings
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Function Quotes and Sayings
Minds are like parachutes.
They only function when they are open.
- James Dewar
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Minds Quotes and Sayings
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those
to whom they entrust the minds of their children
a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom
they entrust the care of their plumbing.
- John F. Kennedy
How does so much gossip fit in such small minds?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
Great Quotes and Sayings
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only good luck many great men ever had was
being born with the ability and determination to overcome bad luck.
- Channing Pollock
I am a great believer in luck
and I find that the harder
I work the more I have of it.
- Thomas Jefferson
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
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