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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Facebook Status Updates

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do.
- Benjamin Franklin

Please enjoy these funny Facebook Status Quotes: short clever quotes and sayings that are ideal for witty Facebook status updates, plus meaningful Facebook Status Quotes about Friendship.


Facebook Status Quotes

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin


 

Half a truth is often a great lie.
- Benjamin Franklin

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


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I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
- Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.
- Mark Twain

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

Facebook Status Updates

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
- Ogden Nash

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin

The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

Get the facts first. You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Life is like a sewer... what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

Funny Facebook Status Quotes - Cute Facebook Status Quotes

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

Some people are so heavenly minded that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
- Isaac Asimov

Witty Facebook Status Updates - Clever Facebook Status Updates

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Puritanism. The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain

A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
- Will Rogers

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin

Facebook Status Quotes about Friendship

It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich

A true friend is one who believes in you when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
- Anonymous

I love you, not for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.
- Roy Croft

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
- Anne Frank

As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasow

True Love burns the brightest, But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Latin Proverb

I get by with a little help from my friends.
- John Lennon

Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.
- Henry David Thoreau

The language of friendship is not words but meanings.
- Henry David Thoreau

A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world.
- Leo Buscaglia

A friend is someone who understands my past, believes in my future, and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous

A true friend is a source of strength and hope.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's so easy to fall in love but hard to find someone who will catch you.
- Anonymous

Every goodbye is the birth of a memory.
- Dutch Proverb

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
- Charles Caleb Colton

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
- Mark Twain

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
- Oscar Wilde

Friendship must dare to risk, or it's not friendship.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard in the TV show Star Trek: The Next Generation

Fear makes strangers of people who would otherwise be friends.
- Shirley MacLaine

There are no good-byes, wherever we are, you'll always be in my heart.
- Anonymous

Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

A true friend is the one who walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
- George Eliot

It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.
- Epicurus

A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fate makes us family. choice makes us friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus

Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
- Chinese proverb

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore

A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.
- Anonymous

A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer.
- Anonymous

Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams.
- Henry David Thoreau

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
- Bess Myerson

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Friends share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.
- Henri Nouwen

It is a great confidence in a friend to tell him your faults; greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin

Tears and laughter cleanse the heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach

A friend is someone who won't stop until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South

A good-bye is never painful unless you're never going to say hello again.
- Anonymous

Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.
- Anonymous

The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge.
- Bertrand Russell

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
- Anonymous


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.