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Funny Intelligence Quotes
Funny Quotes about Intelligence

Let these funny Intelligence Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
- Samuel Johnson [also attributed to Oscar Wilde]

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence -
is the key to unlocking our potential.
- Winston Churchill


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If you would take, you must first give,
this is the beginning of intelligence.
- Lao Tzu

The true sign of intelligence
is not knowledge but imagination.
- Albert Einstein

One defeats a fanatic precisely by not being a fanatic oneself,
but on the contrary by using one's intelligence.
- George Orwell


 

I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison

The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau

There is One Infinite Mind,
which of necessity includes all that is,
whether it be the intelligence in man,
the life in the animal,
or the invisible Presence which is God.
- Ernest Holmes

The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Action is the real measure of intelligence.
- Napoleon Hill (author of the classic Think and Grow Rich)

Anyone who conducts an argument by appealing to authority
is not using his intelligence; he is just using his memory.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
- Lao Tzu

There is nothing wrong with America
that faith, love of freedom, intelligence,
and energy of her citizens cannot cure.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth?
Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
- Henry David Thoreau

Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.
- Stephen Hawking

If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying
as to make the thought of global war
include almost a sentence for suicide,
you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension...
would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz

To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children,
to leave the world a better place,
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived,
this is to have succeeded.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is not the strongest of the species that survive,
nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin

I know that I am intelligent,
because I know that I know nothing.
- Socrates

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery
as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man.
All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are,
the more they are frightened.
- George S. Patton

The road to freedom lies not through
mysteries or occult performances,
but through the intelligent use
of natural forces and laws.
- Ernest Holmes

An instructed and intelligent people
are always more decent and orderly
than an ignorant and stupid one.
- Adam Smith

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...
It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage
to move in the opposite direction.
- Albert Einstein

Mind can never be intelligent - only no-mind is intelligent.
Only no-mind is original and radical.
Only no-mind is revolutionary - revolution in action.
The mind gives you a sort of stupor.
Burdened by the memories of the past,
burdened by the projections of the future,
you go on living - at the minimum.
You dont live at the maximum.
Your flame remains very dim.
Once you start dropping thoughts,
the dust that you have collected in the past,
the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Your whole life becomes a flame,
and a flame without any smoke.
That is what awareness is.
- Osho

Like everyone else I feel the need of relations and friendship,
of affection, of friendly intercourse,
and I am not made of stone or iron,
so I cannot miss these things without feeling,
as does any other intelligent man, a void and deep need.
I tell you this to let you know how much good your visit has done me.
- Vincent Van Gogh

Failure is only the opportunity to
begin again more intelligently.
- Henry Ford

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment.
- Lao Tzu

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke

Success consists of going from failure to failure
without loss of enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill
(also quoted as: "Courage is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm."

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No man is a failure who enjoys life.
- William Feather

Understand the difference between "failing,"
which each of us does often,
and "being a failure,"
which is a state of mind no one should
ever allow themself to fall into.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know that your true self,
a spiritual being,
is always perfect.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius

People in their handlings of affairs
often fail when they are about to succeed.
If one remains as careful at the end
as he was at the beginning,
there will be no failure.
- Lao Tzu

If we don't see a failure as a challenge to modify our approach,
but rather as a problem with ourselves, as a personality defect,
we will immediately feel overwhelmed.
- Anthony Robbins

A little more persistence,
a little more effort, and
what seemed hopeless failure
may turn to glorious success.
- Elbert Hubbard

You are my friend when you can guard my failure,
challenge my thought and celebrate my success.
- Anonymous

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
- The Buddha

Success is not final, failure is not fatal.
It is the courage to continue that counts.
- Winston Churchill

Failure to prepare is preparing to fail.
- John Wooden

Failure is success if we learn from it.
- Malcolm S. Forbes

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

If you're doing your best,
you won't have any time to worry about failure.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Be avid.
Create apart from perfection.
Risk failure.
Cover your words with sweat.
Run a little
Touch excruciatingly.
Laugh until you cry.
Dance with your eyes closed.
Care.
Understand you die a little in every moment.
Be Enlivened
- Mary Anne Radmacher

My great concern is not whether you have failed,
but whether you are content with your failure.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's fine to celebrate success
but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure.
- Bill Gates

Socialism is a philosophy of failure,
the creed of ignorance,
and the gospel of envy,
its inherent virtue is
the equal sharing of misery.
- Winston Churchill

There are no secrets to success.
It is the result of preparation,
hard work, and learning from failure.
- Colin Powell

It's not necessary to fear the prospect of failure
but to be determined not to fail.
- Jimmy Carter

The season of failure is the best time
for sowing the seeds of success.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

The man who has won millions at the cost of his conscience is a failure.
- B. C. Forbes

A man can fail many times,
but he isn't a failure until
he begins to blame somebody else.
- John Burroughs

Success often grows best in the fertile soil of failure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The majority of men meet with failure
because of their lack of persistence
in creating new plans to take
the place of those which fail.
- Napoleon Hill

Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail their failure must be
but a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

I don't know the key to success,
but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby

Failure does not exist.
Failure is simply someone else's opinion of how
a certain act should have been completed.
Once you believe that no act must be performed
in any specific other-directed way,
then failing becomes impossible.
- Wayne Dyer

Far better is it to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though chequered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the grey twilight
that knows not victory or defeat.
- Theodore Roosevelt

Choose to adopt the attitude toward failure that sports teams do.
In each game, one team succeeds and one fails.
Then the next week they both get out and play again.
Life is also a game - with some successes and some failures.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life repeats itself mindlessly -
unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death,
the wheel of time.
It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death,
death is followed by birth;
love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love;
success is followed by failure,
failure is followed by success. Just see!
If you can watch just for a few days,
you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern.
One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy,
and another day you are so dull,
so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide.
And just the other day you were so full of life,
so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God,
that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness,
and today there is great complaint
and you don't see the point why one should go on living...
And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern.
Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.
- Osho

The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley

Please know that I am aware of the hazards.
I want to do it because I want to do it.
Women must try to do things as men have tried.
When they fail, their failure must be a challenge to others.
- Amelia Earhart

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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