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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Head Quotes
Funny Quotes about Head

Let these funny Head Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

His answer trickled through my head like water through a sieve.
- Lewis Carroll


 

Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain

Life is a game.
Keep it light and playful.
Tease life, taunt life,
never attack life head-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is of all passions the strongest,
for it attacks simultaneously the head,
the heart and the senses.
- Lao Tzu


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All perception of truth
is the detection of an analogy;
we reason from our hands to our head.
- Henry David Thoreau

It is any day better to stand erect
with a broken and bandaged head
then to crawl on one's belly,
in order to be able to save one's head.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is better to have your head in the clouds,
and know where you are...
than to breathe the clearer atmosphere below them,
and think that you are in paradise.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you talk to a man in a language he understands,
that goes to his head.
If you talk to him in his language,
that goes to his heart.
- Nelson Mandela

The heart, not the head, must be the guide.
- Arthur Erickson

You don't lead by hitting people over the head -
that's assault, not leadership.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

People make a big fuss over you when you're President.
But I'm very serious about doing everything I can
to make sure that it doesn't go to my head.
- Jimmy Carter

A good head and a good heart
are always a formidable combination.
- Nelson Mandela

Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head,
and knows not that it brings abundance
to drive away the hunger.
- Saint Basil

Never bend your head. Always hold it high.
Look the world straight in the eye.
- Helen Keller

If a man empties his purse into his head,
no man can take it away from him.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
- Benjamin Franklin

The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu

AUM, the most primordial human sound -
and the sound most connected to Spirit,
is pronounced in these three parts:
A (as in mama) - a throat sound
that vibrates in the abdomen - signifies waking.
U (as in who) - a tongue sound
that vibrates in the chest - signifies dreaming.
M (as in mama) - a lip sound
that vibrates in the head - signifies sleeping.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There are choirs singing in your head.
If you listen, you will hear the music.
It is the song of angels.
Pay no attention to the sounds of the world.
They are just noises, and even when
added up all together
they have no value, make no sense.
Strain to hear the song of angels.
Listen to the melody within your soul.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Namaste is a greeting of unity and acceptance
that recognizes the equality of all,
and pays honor to the sacredness of interconnection.
The sense of Namaste is
"The God in me greets the God in you,
I bow to the divine in you."
While saying Namaste, press the palms of the hands together
in front of the heart and bow the head slightly.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Our grandchildren's grandchildren will shake their heads in shame
at some of the beliefs that we hold most dear today -
the question is, which ones?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
- Henry David Thoreau

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single act
is better than a thousand heads bowing in prayer.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.
- Billy Graham

There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

I am firm; YOU are obstinate; HE is a pig-headed fool.
- Bertrand Russell

Calm provides clarity. Pause to consider
the gifts you have been given,
the difference you have made
and the direction in which you are headed.
- Anonymous

If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.