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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Drinking Quotes
Funny Quotes about Drinking

Let these funny Drinking Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

I have been brought up and trained to have
the utmost contempt for people who get drunk.
- Winston Churchill

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee


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She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

Worthless people live only to eat and drink;
people of worth eat and drink only to live.
- Socrates

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10


 

From the way most people live,
one would never guess that humans are beings of free will.
Repetition can be a choice, but often it isn't.
The athlete or pianist who practices the same routine
day after day, year after year, has their eye on a goal.
The unending repetition is a conscious choice
in the pursuit of a life dream.
But what about the sameness of most lives?
Observe the morning commute, the after-work drink,
the Sunday football game or religious service -
how many of those people are consciously following their dream,
training their mind, body, and spirit through that daily repetition?
And how many are mindlessly slogging through each day
out of habit and boredom?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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