Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Search Funny Quotes | Links-2 | About

Religion Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about Religion

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

I distrust those people who know so well
what God wants them to do,
because I notice it always coincides
with their own desires.
- Susan B. Anthony

Related topics: Wisdom Life Human-Nature Psychology Cynical

What people believe prevails over the truth.
- Sophocles

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

When we blindly adopt a religion,
a political system, a literary dogma,
we become automatons. We cease to grow.
- Anais Nin

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers

Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid

Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

If people are good only because they
fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
- Albert Einstein

I am still amazed at how big, how enormous
a love and mystery God is -
and how small are the minds
that attempt to corral
this life force into rules and taboos,
cults and sects.
- Bono

I have this theory - that if we're told we're bad,
then that's the only ideal we'll ever have.
- Jewel

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
- Mother Teresa

I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes
the objects of his creation
and is but a reflection of human frailty.
- Albert Einstein

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
as when they do it from religious conviction.
- Blaise Pascal

I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5

My criticism of most religions is that
they don't allow criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason.
- Benjamin Franklin [attributed]

I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono

Religion often gets in the way of God.
- Bono

Anyone who can worship a trinity
and insist that his religion is a monotheism
can believe anything.
- Robert A Heinlein

Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
- Don Marquis

The invisible and nonexistent look much alike.
- Delos B. McKown

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

It is the things for which there is no evidence
that are believed with passion.
- Bertrand Russell

It ain't those parts of the Bible
that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain

It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Where there is reverence there is fear,
but there is not reverence everywhere that there is fear,
because fear presumably has a wider
extension than reverence.
- Socrates

Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

The Christian missionary may preach the gospel
to the poor naked heathen,
but the spiritual heathen who populate Europe
have as yet heard nothing of Christianity.
- Carl Jung

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

Religion is regarded by the common people as true,
by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

All religions are the same:
Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
- Cathy Ladman

Thank you for visiting these quotes and sayings. See more funny quotes.