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Funny Political Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about Politics

Let these funny Political Quotes add some humor to your life. And check out many more Funny Quotes from my large collection.

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein


 

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle


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Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde

It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire

Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed.
- Winston Churchill

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated,
journalism keeps us in touch
with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie"
until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers

God has cared for these trees,
saved them from drought, disease, avalanches,
and a thousand tempests and floods.
But he cannot save them from fools.
- John Muir

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein

The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken

A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly,
usually for the same reason.
- Anonymous

Credulity - willingness to accept
unsupported statements without demanding proof -
is the greatest ally of the dictator and the demagogue.
- Arthur C. Clarke

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde

Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.
- Albert Einstein

The natural cause of the human mind
is certainly from credulity to skepticism.
- Thomas Jefferson

Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

Winners Dream Big Dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job:
it's a depression when you lose yours.
- Harry S. Truman

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic,
for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt.
- Robert Lindner

I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Speeches that are measured by the hour
will die with the hour.
- Thomas Jefferson

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy

Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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