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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Tail Quotes
Funny Quotes about Tail

Let these funny Tail Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A discussion of philosophy is like a cat chasing its tail -
it may be an amusing diversion but
it has no chance for a satisfying conclusion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin


 

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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