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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Love Quotes - Funny Quotes about Love

Funny Quotes about Life and Love - Funny Quotes on Love

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost

Welcome to these Funny Love Quotes.

Funny Love Quotes

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense.
- Mark Overby


 

True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles Schulz' Peanuts comic

Funny Quotes about Love

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

Do you love me because I am beautiful, or am I beautiful because you love me?
- Oscar Hammerstein II (Cinderella)


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Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

Love looks through a telescope; envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings

One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.
- Mae West

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford

Whenever I date a guy, I think, "Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous

Funny Quotes on Love

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

There are four stages in a marriage. First there's the affair, then the marriage, then children and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

Funny Love Quotes and Sayings

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love.
- Henri B. Stendhal

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

Funny Love Sayings

Love is being stupid together.
- Paul Valery

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate.
- Anonymous

Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato

Funny Sayings about Love

Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Cute Funny Love Quotes

Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West

Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong

Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
- Mae West

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Angelina Jolie

Funny Love Quotes from Movies

I read that you should never go out with someone if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.
- How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid (1982)

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her, and after half an hour I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- Take the Money and Run (1969)

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke.
- As Good As It Gets (1997)

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.
- Love and Death (1975)

It's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, I'm No Angel (1933)

Funny Quotes about Life and Love

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- Anonymous

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

I love being married. It's great to find that one special person who you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- G. K. Chesterton

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
- Anonymous

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

Marriage is a fine institution - but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henny Youngman

Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.