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Money Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about Money

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Related topics: Funny Cynical

He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous

A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)


 

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers

Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar

Where large sums of money are concerned,
it is advisable to trust nobody.
- Agatha Christie


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Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan

The lack of money is the root of all evil.
- Mark Twain

A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations.
- Thomas Jefferson

My life is difficult. I need more money.
- the movie The Expendables (2010)

Rich Quotes and Sayings

Guilt for being rich,
and guilt thinking that perhaps love and peace isn't enough
and you have to go and get shot or something.
- John Lennon

Experience demands that man is
the only animal which devours his own kind,
for I can apply no milder term to
the general prey of the rich on the poor.
- Thomas Jefferson

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Guilt Quotes and Sayings

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

All religions are the same:
Religion is basically guilt, with different holidays.
- Cathy Ladman

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You Quotes and Sayings

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

You do not need anyone's permission to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

You have to do your own growing
no matter how tall your grandfather was.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is fully as bad as you think it is,
so never think life is bad.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

When you ask the wrong question,
you usually get a nonsense answer.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The more you expect, the more you get disappointed in life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You have not converted a man because you have silenced him.
- John Morley

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The bad news is time flies.
The good news is you're the pilot.
- Michael Althsuler

When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)

It's not what you don't know that kills you,
it's what you know for sure that ain't true.
- Mark Twain

If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

WHY do you care what THEY think?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu

When life gives you lemons, Make Lemonade.
- Anonymous saying

Nothing is ever going to work out the way you want,
so you may as well choose to want the way life does work out.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
- Anonymous

You're standing on the threshold of success.
Don't look down, it'll make you dizzy.
- the character Timothy Q. Mouse in the Walt Disney movie Dumbo

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers

Never look back unless you are planning to go that way.
- Henry David Thoreau

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

"Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely,
"and go on till you come to the end: then stop."
- Lewis Carroll

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
- Lewis Carroll

If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry,
that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware
of having no good reason for thinking as you do.
- Bertrand Russell

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority,
it is time to pause and reflect.
- Mark Twain

If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

When you think you're out of time,
smile, and turn back the clock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.