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Funny Friend Quotes
Funny Quotes about Friend

Let these funny Friend Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman


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My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips


 

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou

The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn

This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley

The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous

The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung

The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez

The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus

The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau

The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health is the greatest possession.
Contentment is the greatest treasure.
Confidence is the greatest friend.
Non-being is the greatest joy.
- Lao Tzu

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

Be true to your work, your word, and your friend.
- Henry David Thoreau

I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government.
It is always oppressive.
- Thomas Jefferson

Your friend is the man who knows all about you,
and still likes you.
- Elbert Hubbard

We can never replace a friend.
When a man is fortunate enough to have several,
he finds they are all different.
No one has a double in friendship.
- Johann Schiller

If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln

A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out
- Walter Winchell

Time is my friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend or co-worker shares a political,
religious, economic, or social opinion
that is opposite to yours -
does that drive a wedge between your hearts?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn

The best way to destroy an enemy
is to make him a friend.
- Abraham Lincoln

When one gets angry, it is always angry AT someone -
perhaps a friend or spouse, perhaps a stranger,
perhaps the nameless "they" - "those people at the bank wronged me,"
perhaps God, or perhaps oneself.
In any case, when one gets angry,
they want to find someone to be "responsible" for what happened.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Better to be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A true friend sees the good in everything,
and brings out the best in the worst of things.
- Sasha Azevedo

A sister is a gift to the heart,
a friend to the spirit,
a golden thread to the meaning of life.
- Isadora James

The only way to have a friend is to be one.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Go oft to the house of thy friend,
for weeds choke the unused path.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A true friend is a rock upon whom you can depend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend is someone who won't stop
until he finds you and brings you home.
- Fraser Sr. in the movie Due South

A friend in need is a friend indeed.
- Latin Proverb

Throw your dreams into space like a kite,
and you do not know what it will bring back,
a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country.
- Anais Nin

He's my friend that speaks well of me behind my back.
- Thomas Fuller

Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman

So long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable;
and no man is useless while he has a friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

An injured friend is the bitterest of foes.
- Thomas Jefferson

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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