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Oscar Wilde Quotes
Funny Quotes by Oscar Wilde

Let these funny Oscar Wilde Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde


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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde


 

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde

Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde

Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated,
journalism keeps us in touch
with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde

I am so clever that sometimes I don't
understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

In all matters of opinion,
our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Familiarity breeds consent.
- Oscar Wilde

Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde PHOTO

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde

Hatred is blind, as well as love.
- Oscar Wilde

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live,
it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
- Oscar Wilde

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
- Oscar Wilde

Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde

The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever
to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it.
- Oscar Wilde

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde

I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde

Everything popular is wrong.
- Oscar Wilde

A mask tells us more than a face.
- Oscar Wilde

An idea that is not dangerous is
unworthy of being called an idea at all.
- Oscar Wilde

A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
- Oscar Wilde

Who, being loved, is poor?
- Oscar Wilde

The smallest act of kindness
is worth more than the grandest intention.
- Oscar Wilde

If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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