Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain




Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Relationship Quotes
Funny Quotes about Relationship

Let these funny Relationship Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


 

I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau

From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Parents are not interested in justice,
they're interested in peace and quiet.
- Bill Cosby

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

That married couples can live together day after day
is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
- Bill Cosby

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy

"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead

No matter how calmly you try to referee,
parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior,
and I'm not talking about the kids.
Their behavior is always normal.
- Bill Cosby

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business
in which no cumulative wisdom is gained:
each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.
- Bill Cosby

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated,
let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he
does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
- Bill Cosby

To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran

Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous

Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock

Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing separates the generations more than music.
By the time a child is eight or nine,
he has developed a passion for his own music that is
even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
- Bill Cosby


Thank you for visiting: Funny Relationship Quotes - Funny Quotes about Relationship.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sign-up for your free subscription to my Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote email.

Your E-Mail Address:
Your Name:

To confirm your subscription, you must click on a link in the email being sent to you.

Each email contains an unsubscribe link. We will NEVER sell, rent, loan, or abuse your email address in ANY way.


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.