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Funny Year Quotes
Funny Quotes about Year

Let these funny Year Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

To know God, watch a butterfly return to the same tree -
after a year and a thousand miles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
- George Burns

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld


 

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year.
I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."
- Claude Pepper

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous


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Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Everyone is a genius at least once a year;
a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
- Georg Lichtenberg

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what
you were worrying about one year ago today.
- E. Joseph Cossman

A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill

A nation that continues year after year
to spend more money on military defense
than on programs of social uplift
is approaching spiritual doom.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Write it on your heart that every day
is the best day in the year.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love,
trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity.
The order varies for any given year.
- Paul Sweeney

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

America believes in education: the average professor
earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.
- Evan Esar

Once you have mastered time,
you will understand how true it is that
most people overestimate what
they can accomplish in a year -
and underestimate what
they can achieve in a decade!
- Tony Robbins

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.
- Charles Lamb

Endings: sometimes a season of sorrow and grief.
Endings: what must precede new beginnings.
Life is an endless cycle of endings and beginnings.
Renewal and rebirth cannot occur without endings -
as the new year's crop can only be planted and flourish
in the decay of last year.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

We are not the same persons this year as last;
nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing,
continue to love a changed person.
- W. Somerset Maugham

All of the books in the world contain no more information
than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year.
Not all bits have equal value.
- Carl Sagan

Every year of my life I grow more convinced that it
is wisest and best to fix our attention on the beautiful and the good,
and dwell as little as possible on the evil and the false.
- Richard Cecil

Every year on your birthday, you get a chance to start new.
- Sammy Hagar

People who don't take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.
People who do take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year.
- Peter Drucker

The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older,
I'm grumpy and terrible with them.
As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party,
you couldn't pay me enough.
- Johnny Vegas

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best.
- William Arthur Ward

A happy New Year to all the world.
- Charles Dickens

I have the body of an eighteen year old.
I keep it in the fridge.
- Spike Milligan

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius

A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
- Alan Perlis

The telephone is a 100-year-old technology.
It's time for a change.
Charging for phone calls is something you did last century.
- Niklas Zennstrom

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is
the best time of the year.
- Franklin P. Adams

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with,
but whether it is the same problem you had last year.
- John Foster Dulles

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles,
because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering
why Daddy was kissing someone else.
- Chevy Chase

Mother Nature may be forgiving this year,
or next year, but eventually she's going to come around and whack you.
You've got to be prepared.
- Geraldo Rivera

I started on an Apple II, which I had bought at the
very end of 1978 for half of my annual income.
I made $4,500 a year, and I spent half of it on the computer.
- Bill Budge

My New Year's resolution is to stick to a good workout
plan that will keep me healthy and happy.
- James Lafferty

I quit high school on my birthday.
It was my senior year and I didn't see the point.
This was 1962, and I was ready to make music.
- Barry White

Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve.
Middle age is when you're forced to.
- Bill Vaughan

A year ago I had a back injury and followed a good
nutrition program to help speed up my recovery.
I focused on exercise and staying healthy in order
to get back out on the ice.
- Sasha Cohen

It seems every year, people make the resolution to
exercise and lose weight and get in shape.
- Ed Smith

The world spends $40 billion a year on pet food.
- Nicholas D. Kristof

So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
- Christina Aguilera

I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars,
would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year.
- Bette Davis

If I weren't earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball,
most people on the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.
- Charles Barkley

Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie

So, when it comes to eating healthy,
it's just doing the right thing.
And it's not something you have to do 365 days a year,
but I think it's something you have to do 25 days a month.
Let's put it that way.
- Mike Ditka

Have your new year's resolutions been a new beginning for you
or have they just been different words on the same old beginning?
Maybe now's the time to establish
a new pattern of viewing your life fresh.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

From the way most people live,
one would never guess that humans are beings of free will.
Repetition can be a choice, but often it isn't.
The athlete or pianist who practices the same routine
day after day, year after year, has their eye on a goal.
The unending repetition is a conscious choice
in the pursuit of a life dream.
But what about the sameness of most lives?
Observe the morning commute, the after-work drink,
the Sunday football game or religious service -
how many of those people are consciously following their dream,
training their mind, body, and spirit through that daily repetition?
And how many are mindlessly slogging through each day
out of habit and boredom?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

During his training, a baseball player strives
to make each swing better than the last.
The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless.
It would ingrain bad habits.
The same is true of emotional responses.
If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses,
we just entrench our anger habit.
But if we strive - through consciousness, visualization, and coaching -
to moderate our anger response,
over time, we can train ourselves to respond
to events as we choose - without anger.
You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow,
but you can put yourself on your own training program
that will reduce the frequency and intensity
of your anger response day by day, year by year.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams

New Year's eve is like every other night;
there is no pause in the march of the universe,
no breathless moment of silence among created things
that the passage of another twelve months may be noted;
and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening
that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
- Hamilton Wright Mabie

I'm lucky because I have a job I love.
I really miss being away from home, being in my own bed,
seeing my animals and siblings, having my moms cookies.
I have a couple cats.
I got a kitten about a year ago and now Im going on
the road so I wont see him for a while.
I feel bad.
- Michelle Branch

If you plan for a year, plant a seed.
If for ten years, plant a tree.
If for a hundred years, teach the people.
When you sow a seed once, you will reap a single harvest.
When you teach the people, you will reap a hundred harvests.
- Kuan Chung

Every day is a good day to make a resolution
for beginning a new way of living,
but the New Year's Day holiday provides a good focus
for reviewing our lives and resolving
to live each day with conscious attention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thirteen thousand dollars a year is not enough to raise a family.
That's not enough to pay your bills and save for their future.
That's barely enough to provide for even the most basic needs.
- Thomas Carper

Currently, the United States provides 22 percent of the U.N.
annual budgets, over $900 million in fiscal year 2007,
and some of that funding goes to the Human Rights Council.
- Michael McCaul

We also have a program in place for low income people.
A family of four making $26,000 a year can receive medical coverage,
irrespective of citizenship or what documents.
- George Pataki

So the idea that you could put Kurds,
Shiite Arabs, and Sunni Arabs in a nice,
liberal, federal system in Iraq in a short amount of time,
six months or a year, boggles the mind.
- William Odom

Book writing is a little different because,
in my case, my editor is a year younger than me and
basically has the same sensibility as me.
- Chuck Klosterman

I played Baby New Year.
When everybody started hollering and throwing confetti,
I thought it was for me.
- Frederick Kelly

Science has not yet mastered prophecy.
We predict too much for the next year and yet far too little for the next 10.
- Neil Armstrong

I'm a 50 year-old guy and I'm not in shape like I was when I was 30.
- Richard Gere

Back then, I couldn't have left a poem a year and gone back to it.
- Philip Levine

This year, I feel strong.
I'm looking forward to having my best season in the last few years.
- Chan Ho Park

I always have a lot of personal goals,
but primarily my main goal each year is to obviously win a Super Bowl.
- Michael Strahan

That I learned even as a three year-old that I see
this world that is really a mess and I learned to say,
this is not me.
I am not the one that is messed up.
It is out there.
- Story Musgrave

I always work on New Year's Eve, no matter what.
- Debbie Harry


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.