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Let these funny Contrivance Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Government is a contrivance
of human wisdom to provide for human wants.
People have the right to expect that these wants
will be provided for by this wisdom.
- Jimmy Carter
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
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It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Dare to dream of your great success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
Until you'll willing to look foolish,
you'll never have the possibility of being great.
- Cher
I have decided to stick with love.
Hate is too great a burden to bear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Know that the essence of life is not
in the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To be conscious that you are ignorant
is a great step to knowledge.
- Benjamin Disraeli
My great concern is not whether you have failed,
but whether you are content with your failure.
- Abraham Lincoln
Just as a man would not cherish living
in a body other than his own,
so do nations not like to live under other nations,
however noble and great the latter may be.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
People with great gifts are easy to find,
but symmetrical and balanced ones never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice,
and is never the result of selfishness.
- Napoleon Hill
If the misery of the poor be caused
not by the laws of nature,
but by our institutions,
great is our sin.
- Charles Darwin
It is a great confidence in a friend
to tell him your faults;
greater to tell him his.
- Benjamin Franklin
Because of a great love, one is courageous.
- Lao Tzu
We know but a few men, a great many coats and breeches.
- Henry David Thoreau
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies,
but even more to stand up to your friends.
- J.K. Rowling
To lead a great life:
Dream, Take Action, Repeat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the surest ways to cause
yourself great suffering
is to insist upon being right -
to demand that all others view life
exactly as you view it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The really great secret - Happiness is free.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.
Do not overdo it.
- Lao Tzu
To be oneself is a rare thing, and a great one.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If a warrior is to succeed at anything,
the success must come gently,
with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.
- Carlos Castaneda
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
- Samuel Johnson
I believe in the fundamental truth
of all great religions of the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Before we acquire great power
we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In this life we cannot do great things.
We can only do small things with great love.
- Mother Teresa
The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those
who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.