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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Provided Quotes
Funny Quotes about Provided

Let these funny Provided Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Anyone can do any amount of work
provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
- Robert Benchley

Gardening is all about optimism.
I put a seed in the ground.
I consistently tend it,
confident I will see the results, in time,
of the nurture I have provided.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I believe that anyone can conquer fear
by doing the things he fears to do,
provided he keeps doing them until he gets
a record of successful experience behind him.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I would heartily welcome the union of East and West
provided it is not based on brute force.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi


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Government is a contrivance
of human wisdom to provide for human wants.
People have the right to expect that these wants
will be provided for by this wisdom.
- Jimmy Carter

If you wish to experience peace,
provide peace for another.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

The lessons of the past provide the path to the future.
- Anonymous


 

For some of us, the world appears to provide
only a fixed quantity of each resource -
a limited amount of food, of money,
of love, of success, of appreciation.
For others, life is unlimited.
Their world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that they contribute.
In this world-view, money that is spent
or given away returns multiplied.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We return thanks to our mother,
the earth, which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs, which furnish medicines
for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the corn, and to her sisters,
the beans and squashes, which give us life.
We return thanks to the bushes and trees,
which provide us with fruit.
We return thanks to the wind,
which, moving the air, has banished diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and the stars,
which have given us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to our grandfather He-no,
that he has protected his grandchildren from witches and reptiles,
and has given us his rain.
We return thanks to the sun,
that he has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in whom is embodied all goodness,
and who directs all things for the good of his children.
- Iroquois traditional

Courage is like a soaring redwood;
Love is the seed that provides the inspiration,
and Fear is the manure that provides the raw energy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Each day provides it's own gifts.
- Martial (Roman Poet)

Calm provides clarity. Pause to consider
the gifts you have been given,
the difference you have made
and the direction in which you are headed.
- Anonymous

Every day is a good day to make a resolution
for beginning a new way of living,
but the New Year's Day holiday provides a good focus
for reviewing our lives and resolving
to live each day with conscious attention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If we fail to plan, we merely bob helplessly -
like a cork on the sea of life.
If we resist whatever life delivers to us,
we create untold misery for ourselves.
If we act with vision and commitment,
and then accept whatever Spirit provides,
we live a life of purpose and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We each have a sixth sense that is
attuned to the oneness dimension in life,
providing a means for us to guide our lives
in accord with our ideas.
- Henry Reed

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly.
It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service.
- Henry Ford

My decision to register women confirms what is already obvious
throughout our society -
that women are now providing
all types of skills in every profession.
The military should be no exception.
- Jimmy Carter

Providence has its appointed hour for everything.
We cannot command results, we can only strive.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Speeches that are measured by the hour
will die with the hour.
- Thomas Jefferson

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If we were to do the Second Coming of Christ
in color for a full hour,
there would be a considerable number of stations
which would decline to carry it on the grounds
that a Western or a quiz show would be more profitable.
- Edward R. Murrow

A man who dares to waste one hour of time
has not discovered the value of life.
- Charles Darwin

Truth has no special time of its own.
Its hour is now - always.
- Albert Schweitzer

We see God face to face every hour,
and know the savor of Nature.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To see the world in a grain of sand,
and to see heaven in a wild flower,
hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour.
- William Blake

I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

One of the illusions of life is that the present hour
is not the critical, decisive hour.
Write it on your heart that
every day is the best day in the year.
No man has learned anything rightly,
until he knows that every day is Doomsday.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.
- George Washington Carver

When true friends meet in adverse hour,
'Tis like a sunbeam through a shower.
A watery way an instant seen,
The darkly closing clouds between.
- Sir Walter Scott

The unthankful heart... discovers no mercies;
but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and,
as the magnet finds the iron,
so it will find, in every hour,
some heavenly blessings!
- Henry Ward Beecher

There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Just stop it. Seriously.
Whatever it is. Just stop it.
If only for an hour, a day, a week.
Stop doing it long enough to get a glimpse
of what the change would actually look like.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

In the long history of the world,
only a few generations have been granted the role
of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger.
I do not shrink from this responsibility - I welcome it.
- John F. Kennedy

The marvelous richness of human experience
would lose something of rewarding joy
if there were no limitations to overcome.
The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful
if there were no dark valleys to traverse.
- Helen Keller

If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

This [the Holocaust] must never happen again. ...
Be vigilant about your rights.
Care about the rights and human dignity of others.
When the rights of any group, no matter how small,
no matter how marginal, are violated,
your liberty, your freedom is put at risk.
Let there never be a day when we cast about in horror
and have to ask the question, "How did it ever come to this?"
- Thomas Childers, Ph.D., Professor of History,
University of Pennsylvania, in the closing remarks
of his six-hour Teaching Company audio lecture series

Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.