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Funny Lie Quotes
Funny Quotes about Lie

Let these funny Lie Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen


 

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie,
the thing that we fear grows stronger.
- Williams Tad

I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie.
- Michel de Montaigne


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A lie travels round the world while
truth is putting her boots on.
- French Proverb
(also attributed to Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and others)

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

Even the truth, when believed, is a lie.
You must experience the truth, not believe it.
- Werner Erhard

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it,
people will eventually come to believe it.
- Joseph Goebbels (Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany)

The truest expression of a people
is in its dances and its music.
Bodies never lie.
- Agnes De Mille

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

Half a truth is often a great lie.
- Benjamin Franklin

If evil be spoken of you
and it be true, correct yourself,
if it be a lie, laugh at it.
- Epictetus

The roots of all goodness lie
in the soil of appreciation for goodness.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

A lie cannot live.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Mind what people do, not only what they say,
for deeds will betray a lie.
- Terry Goodkind

Greatness is not in where we stand,
but in what direction we are moving.
We must sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it -
but sail we must,
and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Above all, don't lie to yourself.
The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie
comes to a point that he cannot
distinguish the truth within him, or around him,
and so loses all respect for himself and for others.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Don't lie down. Get up.
- Bono

The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
- Benjamin E. Mays

Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes
in every waking moment of their lives
to remind them that the lie of their inferiority
is accepted as truth in the society dominating them.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Liar is a strong word, but we are all liars.
Not in the sense of intentionally speaking untruths,
but in the sense of carrying so much historical
and emotional baggage that none of us is believable.
To lie means to speak an untruth,
and virtually everything that comes out of our mouth
is an untruth - an opinion, an assumption,
a point-of-view based on our past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Art is the lie that enables us to realize the truth.
- Pablo Picasso

There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli

Choose what lies in the shadows to be a matter
for discovery and adventure, rather than fear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

Human salvation lies in the hands
of the creatively maladjusted.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Listen to the compass of your heart.
All you need lies within you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Freedom lies in being bold.
- Robert Frost

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

As human beings, our greatness lies
not so much in being able to remake the world -
as in being able to remake ourselves.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal.
My strength lies solely in my tenacity.
- Louis Pasteur

In wartime, truth is so precious that she
should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
- Winston Churchill

The final forming of a person's character
lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

The difference between work and play lies 100%
in the attitude of the participant.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The way lies in softness and patience,
as the softest water cuts through the hardest rock.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knowledge is a process of piling up facts;
wisdom lies in their simplification.
- Martin Fischer

At the bottom of enmity between strangers lies indifference.
- Soren Kierkegaard

We tell lies, yet it is easy to show that lying is immoral.
- Epictetus

The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths,
but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
- Anne Frank

Be faithful in small things
because it is in them that your strength lies.
- Mother Teresa

Whosoever is spared personal pain
must feel himself called
to help in diminishing the pain of others.
We must all carry our share of
the misery which lies upon the world.
- Albert Schweitzer

All philosophy lies in two words,
sustain and abstain.
- Epictetus

Happiness lies in the joy of achievement
and the thrill of creative effort.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt

The difference between the impossible and the possible
lies in a persons determination.
- Tommy Lasorda

The present is the ever moving shadow
that divides yesterday from tomorrow.
In that lies hope.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Three Rules of Work:
Out of clutter find simplicity;
From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
- Albert Einstein

If there is any one secret of success,
it lies in the ability to get
the other person's point of view
and see things from that person's angle
as well as from your own.
- Henry Ford

It is by going down into the abyss
that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.
- Joseph Campbell

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison

In the midst of difficulty lies opportunity.
- Albert Einstein

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down
on the tracks of history
to wait for the train of the future to run over him.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Nelson Mandela

Study history, study history.
In history lies all the secrets of statecraft.
- Winston Churchill

Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal,
and not in reaching it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Satisfaction lies in the effort, not in the attainment,
full effort is full victory.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life is NOT "Supposed to be Fair."
Know that there is no single way that life is "supposed" to be.
Demanding that life meet our expectations
is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence.
Life is a game with no rules.
Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions.
Our only path to happiness lies in being open
to receiving whatever life throws at us -
with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The road to freedom lies not through
mysteries or occult performances,
but through the intelligent use
of natural forces and laws.
- Ernest Holmes

Your success and happiness lies in you.
Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you
shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
- Helen Keller

A man who as a physical being
is always turned toward the outside,
thinking that his happiness lies outside him,
finally turns inward and
discovers that the source is within him.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal
of plain living and high thinking
the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants.
Man's happiness really lies in contentment.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Love is the only reality and it is not a mere sentiment.
It is the ultimate truth that lies at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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