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Funny Lie Quotes
Funny Quotes about Lie

Let these funny Lie Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.
- H. L. Mencken

The lion and the calf shall lie down together,
but the calf won't get much sleep.
- Woody Allen

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts


 

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

Half a truth is often a great lie.
- Benjamin Franklin

Greatness is not in where we stand,
but in what direction we are moving.
We must sail sometimes with the wind
and sometimes against it -
but sail we must,
and not drift, nor lie at anchor.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.


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I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie.
- Michel de Montaigne

If evil be spoken of you
and it be true, correct yourself,
if it be a lie, laugh at it.
- Epictetus

It is the patriotic duty of every man to lie for his country.
- Alfred Adler

I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie.
I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave.
And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
- H.L. Mencken

Don't lie down. Get up.
- Bono

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it,
people will eventually come to believe it.
- Joseph Goebbels (Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany)

Even the truth, when believed, is a lie.
You must experience the truth, not believe it.
- Werner Erhard

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie,
but admits than under analysis some of them won't stand up either.
- Evan Esar

Art is magic delivered from the lie of being truth.
- Theodor Adorno

The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal.
The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
- Benjamin E. Mays

Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.
- Roger Ebert

The truest expression of a people
is in its dances and its music.
Bodies never lie.
- Agnes De Mille

A lie travels round the world while
truth is putting her boots on.
- French Proverb
(also attributed to Mark Twain, Winston Churchill, and others)

For every good reason there is to lie,
there is a better reason to tell the truth.
- Bo Bennett

As you make your bed, so you must lie in it.
- Daniel J. Boorstin

Love always creates, it never destroys.
In this lie's man's only promise.
- Leo Buscaglia

Above all, don't lie to yourself.
The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie
comes to a point that he cannot
distinguish the truth within him, or around him,
and so loses all respect for himself and for others.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The difference in golf and government is that in golf
you can't improve your lie.
- George Deukmejian

A lie can travel half way around the world while the
truth is putting on its shoes.
- Charles Spurgeon

The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy

We tell lies when we are afraid...
afraid of what we don't know,
afraid of what others will think,
afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie,
the thing that we fear grows stronger.
- Williams Tad

The roots of all goodness lie
in the soil of appreciation for goodness.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

I used to lie in bed in my flat and imagine what would
happen if there was a zombie attack.
- Simon Pegg

A lie cannot live.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Music doesn't lie.
If there is something to be changed in this world,
then it can only happen through music.
- Jimi Hendrix

Mind what people do, not only what they say,
for deeds will betray a lie.
- Terry Goodkind

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth,
is better than a lie detector.
It encourages a man to be expansive,
even reckless,
while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.
- Graham Greene

Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes
in every waking moment of their lives
to remind them that the lie of their inferiority
is accepted as truth in the society dominating them.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass
under trees on a summer's day,
listening to the murmur of the water,
or watching the clouds float across the sky,
is by no means a waste of time.
- John Lubbock

Liar is a strong word, but we are all liars.
Not in the sense of intentionally speaking untruths,
but in the sense of carrying so much historical
and emotional baggage that none of us is believable.
To lie means to speak an untruth,
and virtually everything that comes out of our mouth
is an untruth - an opinion, an assumption,
a point-of-view based on our past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The actual Blue Rose murders, which lie at the core of the three novels,
yield various incorrect solutions which assume the status of truth.
- Peter Straub

I don't think that we necessarily lie.
I mean, we make our living by pretending that we're someone else.
I don't tell tall tales.
I always tell the truth.
- Albert Finney

True humor springs not more from the head than from the heart.
It is not contempt; its essence is love.
It issues not in laughter, but in still smiles,
which lie far deeper.
- Thomas Carlyle

By a lie, a man...
annihilates his dignity as a man.
- Immanuel Kant

I have a punishing workout regimen.
Every day I do 3 minutes on a treadmill,
then I lie down, drink a glass of vodka and smoke a cigarette.
- Anthony Hopkins

I made over forty Westerns.
I used to lie awake nights trying to think up new ways
of getting on and off a horse.
- William Wyler

The choicest pleasures of life lie within the ring of moderation.
- Benjamin Disraeli

In spring they lie flat at the first warmth,
they ruin my summer and in autumn they smell of women.
- Hugo Claus

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious,
too greedy, or too impatient.
One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach -
waiting for a gift from the sea.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There is no easy path leading out of life,
and few easy ones that lie within it.
- Walter Savage Landor

I've got to take a break, to be honest.
I'm not even going to lie.
- Puff Daddy

Remember always that the composer's pen is still mightier
than the bow of the violinist;
in you lie all the possibilities of the creation of beauty.
- John Philip Sousa

Earlier on in my career I felt that I had to hide behind
a lot of different masks,
and showboat ways of performing.
Now, that's a lie.
The less I have to hide, the less I have to act.
- Thomas Jane

Look, all administrations, all governments lie,
all officials lie and nothing they say is to be believed.
That's a pretty good rule.
- Daniel Ellsberg

I don't like guys who will lie down and take it.
I want someone who'll fight back.
I like people who can argue well.
- Sandra Bullock

The truth is balance.
However the opposite of truth, which is unbalance,
may not be a lie.
- Susan Sontag

A man who will not lie to a woman has very little consideration for her feelings.
- Olin Miller

Everybody thinks I'm at death's door,
but I'm not.
There's nothing seriously wrong with me,
and my heart is in 100 percent working order.
Anything else you may hear is a damn lie!
- Bobby Darin

A snowdrift is a beautiful thing - if it doesn't lie
across the path you have to shovel or block the road
that leads to your destination.
- Hal Borland

The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.
- Hilaire Belloc

Life would be so much harder if I had to lie about who I was.
- Mary Cheney

Be honest with yourself and lie to everyone else.
- Josh Hartnett

Here dead lie we because we did not choose to live
and shame the land from which we sprung.
Life, to be sure, is nothing much to lose;
but young men think it is,
and we were young.
- A. E. Housman

Lie down and listen to the crabgrass grow The faucet leak,
and learn to leave them so.
- Marya Mannes

The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression.
It is possible to lie, and even to murder,
with the truth.
- Alfred Adler

This is a nation that has lost the ability to be self-critical,
and that makes a lie out of the freedoms.
- Joni Mitchell

I have a rule on my team: when we talk to one another,
we look each other right in the eye,
because I think it's tough to lie to somebody.
You give respect to somebody.
- Mike Krzyzewski

My entire life has been a lie.
- Bobby Darin

The immense cities lie basking on the beaches of the
continent like whales that have taken to the land.
- Arnold J. Toynbee

A great lie is like a great fish on dry land;
it may fret and fling and make a frightful bother,
but it cannot hurt you.
You have only to keep still, and it will die of itself.
- George Crabbe

Eyes lie if you ever look into them for the character of the person.
- Stevie Wonder

Actions lie louder than words.
- Bob Wells

To me the meanest flower that blows can give thoughts
that do often lie too deep for tears.
- William Wordsworth

I have confidence that the Unitarian Church will steadily
grow and will help to sustain many of my fellow citizens
in these important days that lie ahead of us.
- Leverett Saltonstall


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