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Funny Person Quotes
Funny Quotes about Person

Let these funny Person Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

If my films make one more person miserable,
I'll feel I have done my job.
- Woody Allen


 

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb
cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
- Dave Barry

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
- George Carlin

Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin


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What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb

Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous

Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa

A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner

The person who you're with most in life is yourself
and if you don't like yourself,
you're always with somebody you don't like.
- Marc S. Lewis

The moment a person forms a theory,
his imagination sees in every object
only the traits which favor that theory.
- Thomas Jefferson

If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung

No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison

It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau

It takes a long while for a naturally trustful person
to reconcile himself to the idea that
after all God will not help him
- H. L. Mencken

There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The highest reward for a person's toil
is not what they get for it,
but what they become by it.
- John Ruskin

An educated person is one who has learned that information
almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false,
misleading, fictitious, mendacious -
just dead wrong.
- Russell Baker

There is only one way... to get anybody to do anything.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
- Dale Carnegie

Nurturing is not complex.
It's simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you
and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We are not the same persons this year as last;
nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing,
continue to love a changed person.
- W. Somerset Maugham

To dream of the person you would like to be
is to waste the person you are.
- Anonymous

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney

There are two things a person should never be angry at,
what they can help, and what they cannot.
- Plato

So my father was a person who never lied to me.
If I had a question, he answered it.
I knew a lot of things at a young age because I was intrigued.
- Nick Cannon

We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Angelina Jolie

A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry

You know they say the most dangerous person of the
world is a member of the United States Congress just
home from a three-day fact-finding trip.
- Johnny Isakson

There is no labor a person does that is undignified;
if they do it right.
- Bill Cosby

For everything observed or experienced,
each of us creates a "story" - not sometimes, but always.
A "story" is the fiction a person tells themselves
about what has happened or is happening.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
- Irv Kupcinet

I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly
for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
- Dave Barry

One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interests.
- Peter Marshall

An alliance with a powerful person is never safe.
- Phaedrus

I recognize that the person I was in my past
is not the person I am today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A happy person is not a person in a
certain set of circumstances,
but rather a person with a
certain set of attitudes.
- Hugh Downs

Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels,
levers and springs, and believes it civilization.
- Ambrose Bierce

I've made a promise to myself to be a 100% healthy person if nothing else.
- Picabo Street

A person with a new idea is
a crank until the idea succeeds.
- Mark Twain

A person cannot love a plant after he has pruned it,
then he has either done a poor job or is devoid of emotion.
- Liberty Hyde Bailey

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates
some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
- Ambrose Bierce


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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