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Let these funny Special Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful
than a lifetime of nothing special.
- the movie Steel Magnolias
Don't Wait!
Start on your dreams, your impulses,
your longings, your special occasions today.
Because this is your moment.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
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It is difficult for the common good to prevail
against the intense concentration
of those who have a special interest,
especially if the decisions are made behind locked doors.
- Jimmy Carter
Know that you are special, and unique in all creation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin
I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin
Truth has no special time of its own.
Its hour is now - always.
- Albert Schweitzer
I have no special talent.
I am only passionately curious.
- Albert Einstein
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking
America and Israel share a special bond.
Our relationship is unique among all nations.
Like America, Israel is a strong democracy,
a symbol of freedom, and an oasis of liberty,
a home to the oppressed and persecuted.
- William J. Clinton
Today is a unique and special day.
It is unlike any other day you have ever experienced.
If you assume that today is like every other day,
you will never notice today's uniqueness.
If you practice keen awareness, you will get
to savor today's uniquely wonderful qualities.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Start living now.
Stop saving the good china
for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love
until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
- Mary Manin Morrissey
Too often the great decisions are originated and given form
in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated
by them that whatever of special value women
have to offer is shunted aside without expression.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
A working definition of Honor is,
"respect or esteem that has been earned."
Contemplate that for a moment.
It would be very special to earn the respect and esteem
of our family, our friends, our co-workers, our community, wouldn't it?
If anything, it is of even more moment to honor yourself.
Those who are successful and happy earn their own
self-respect and self-esteem.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
It is not the strongest of the species that survive,
nor the most intelligent,
but the one most responsive to change.
- Charles Darwin
An unjust law is itself a species of violence.
Arrest for its breach is more so.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
On the ordinary view of each species
having been independently created,
we gain no scientific explanation.
- Charles Darwin
U2 is an original species...
there are colors and feelings and emotional terrain
that we occupy that is ours and ours alone.
- Bono
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.