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Let these funny Unrealistic Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
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The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dare to dream of your great success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
If a warrior is to succeed at anything,
the success must come gently,
with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.
- Carlos Castaneda
In this life we cannot do great things.
We can only do small things with great love.
- Mother Teresa
A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great leadership is not the visit of an unexpected fate
but rather a flame which is kept burning
in spite of the winds of risk and opposition.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The wise man looks into space,
and does not regard the small as too little,
nor the great as too much;
for he knows that there is no limit to dimensions.
- Lao Tzu
How do we measure a great leader?
By how he treats the least of these.
- Jesse Jackson
Little strokes,
Fell great oaks.
- Benjamin Franklin
We can do no great things,
only small things with great love.
- Mother Teresa
Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I welcome change as a great adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It seems that we have it backward in our society.
We tend to look up to people
who are under a great deal of stress,
who can handle loads of stress,
and those who are under a great deal of pressure.
- Richard Carlson
Keep courage. Whatever you do,
do not feel sorry for yourself.
You will win in a great age of opportunity.
- Richard L. Evans
My great concern is not whether you have failed,
but whether you are content with your failure.
- Abraham Lincoln
Thinking is necessary, but not sufficient, for living a great life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the surest ways to cause
yourself great suffering
is to insist upon being right -
to demand that all others view life
exactly as you view it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,
adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. -
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies,
but even more to stand up to your friends.
- J.K. Rowling
Character is higher than intellect.
A great soul will be strong to live as well as think.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.
Do not overdo it.
- Lao Tzu
Before we acquire great power
we must acquire wisdom to use it well.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The great pleasure in life is doing
what people say you cannot do.
- Walter Bagehot
The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
Great people are those who make others feel
that they, too, can become great.
- Mark Twain
I am a great believer in luck
and I find that the harder
I work the more I have of it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Great hearts steadily send forth the secret forces
that incessantly draw great events.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest roadblock to a great relationship
is trying to force a partner to change through bribes or threats.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great opportunities to help others seldom come,
but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.