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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Good Morning Quotes
Funny Quotes about Good Morning

Let these funny Good Morning Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

If you have only one smile in you,
give it to the people you love.
Don't be surly at home,
then go out in the street
and start grinning good morning
at total strangers.
- Maya Angelou

It is a good morning exercise for a research scientist
to discard a pet hypothesis every day before breakfast.
It keeps him young.
- Konrad Lorenz

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien


 

A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at
night or the last to awake in the morning.
- Honore de Balzac

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me,
"Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."
- Steven Wright

I'd hate to be a teetotaler.
Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's
as good as you're going to feel all day.
- Dean Martin


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Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing,
because I talk about movement, about looking good,
about taking risks.
- Ruth Westheimer

Life repeats itself mindlessly -
unless you become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
That's why Buddhists call it the wheel of life and death,
the wheel of time.
It moves like a wheel: birth is followed by death,
death is followed by birth;
love is followed by hate, hate is followed by love;
success is followed by failure,
failure is followed by success. Just see!
If you can watch just for a few days,
you will see a pattern emerging, a wheel pattern.
One day, a fine morning, you are feeling so good and so happy,
and another day you are so dull,
so dead that you start thinking of committing suicide.
And just the other day you were so full of life,
so blissful that you were feeling thankful to God,
that you were in a mood of deep gratefulness,
and today there is great complaint
and you don't see the point why one should go on living...
And it goes on and on, but you don't see the pattern.
Once you see the pattern, you can get out of it.
- Osho

I don't think I'm going to do any good work this morning.
- David O. Selznick

I got a call this morning, and it was from Nancy Kerrigan,
wishing me luck.
She wished me luck and sent me all her good wishes.
- Michelle Kwan

This morning's scene is good and fine,
Long rain has not harmed the land.
- Du Fu

You'd have to think that you're at least decent,
or you couldn't get up every morning and do it.
I think if I live long enough, I might be pretty good.
- Martin Mull

Sometimes in the morning, when it's a good surf,
I go out there, and I don't feel like it's a bad world.
- Kary Mullis

Good morning is a contradiction of terms.
- Jim Davis

A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does,
loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases
him like a prostitute in the night.
- Chanakya

A good idea will keep you awake during the morning,
but a great idea will keep you awake during the night.
- Marilyn vos Savant

Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from,
but every morning I start off with a good head on my shoulders,
saying to myself, 'It's going to be a good day!'.
- Lindsay Lohan

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward.
Next to the first one in the morning,
it's the best one of all.
It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I
would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.
- Florence King

In live action movies, you just hope that everything works.
Because the actor may had a bad morning and doesn't play good,
or accidents happen continuously.
Many things contradict what you are trying to say.
But in cartoons, nothing contradict what you want to say.
- John Hench

How can a doctor judge a woman's sanity by merely bidding
her good morning and refusing to hear her pleas for
release? Even the sick ones know it is useless to say anything,
for the answer will be that it is their imagination.
- Nellie Bly

In the last year my wife has noticed me struggling
to get downstairs on a Sunday morning.
I've two young children and football has been so good
to me over the years I don't want to spoil it.
- Graeme Le Saux

I turned on VH1 this morning just to get a little warm-up before I came over here,
and I think it's just terrific.
There's so much great stuff: diverse and wonderful music,
good performances, great looking girls,
great videos, the whole thing.
- Debbie Harry

First of all, let me say, 1:15 in the morning,
for 20,000 people to still be here, I wasn't the winner,
tennis was.
That's awesome.
I don't know if I've ever felt so good here before.
- Andre Agassi

I want to host a religious show.
I'm sure nobody will be wanting the 11 o'clock spot on Sunday morning.
I think we should really get some of our own preachers
and preach that gay is good.
And we'd have a great choir.
- Kate Clinton

I had to get up run in the morning for 2 hours,
go to the gym and also get good opponents as sparring
partners because I'm a big believer in that how you
train is how you will fight at least when it came to me that's how it worked.
- Alexis Arguello

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

I intend to live forever.
So far, so good.
- Steven Wright

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Regrets are the tears of good deeds left undone
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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