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Funny Good Quotes
Funny Quotes about Good

Let these funny Good Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan


 

Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous


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I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

I intend to live forever.
So far, so good.
- Steven Wright

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children
is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia:
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
- Bill Cosby

Regrets are the tears of good deeds left undone
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau

Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote

The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin

Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer

What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools,
but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
- Bill Cosby

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson

He who can no longer pause to wonder
and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead;
his eyes are closed.
- Albert Einstein

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb

A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill

The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau

Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

The man who can't dance thinks the band is no good.
- Polish Proverb

However many holy words you read, however many you speak,
what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
- The Buddha

Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller

In the arena of human life,
the honors and rewards fall to those
who show their good qualities in action.
- Aristotle

It is never good dwelling on good-byes ...
it is not the being together that it prolongs, it is the parting.
- Elizabeth Bibesco

Regret is an appalling waste of energy,
you can't build on it - it's only good for wallowing in.
- Katherine Mansfield

If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it.
It is much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.
- Grace Hopper

Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha

Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect.
If it's not based on respect,
nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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