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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Only Quotes
Funny Quotes about Only

Let these funny Only Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec PHOTO

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
- George Burns


 

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
- Bob Hope

I'm kidding about having only a few dollars.
I might have a few dollars more.
- James Brown


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Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
- Henry A. Kissinger

I have a new philosophy.
I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
- Charles M. Schulz

That's my only goal.
Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone
has a good time and works hard.
- Joe Rogan

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I found there was only one way to look thin:
hang out with fat people.
- Rodney Dangerfield

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he is a baby.
- Natalie Wood

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

There are only three things women need in life:
food,
water, and compliments.
- Chris Rock

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Only dead fish swim with the stream.
- Anonymous

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

You are only young once,
but you can stay immature indefinitely.
- Anonymous

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

Money is better than poverty,
if only for financial reasons.
- Woody Allen

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin

You know the only people who are always sure about
the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any.
- Bill Cosby

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Nothing in life is to be feared.
It is only to be understood.
- Marie Curie

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood,
but it didn't because parenting can only be learned
by people who have no children.
- Bill Cosby

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

People only see what they are prepared to see.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert F. Kennedy

Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

There are no facts, only interpretations.
- Friedrich Nietzsche


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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