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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Here Quotes
Funny Quotes about Here

Let these funny Here Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous PHOTO

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)


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Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain


 

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)

"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You're only here for a short visit.
Don't hurry. Don't worry.
And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
- Walter Hagen

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Be here now.
- Ram Dass

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

The world is a better place because I am here.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Could you risk believing that everything
will unfold just fine if you completely let go
of all concern about everything else,
and simply are here, now - if only for a moment?
- Dmitri Bilgere

We are here to awaken from the illusion of our separateness.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

This moment! - this here-now - is forgotten
when you start thinking in terms of achieving something.
When the achieving mind arises,
you lose contact with the paradise you are in.
- Osho

The best way to enhance freedom in other lands
is to demonstrate here that our democratic system
is worthy of emulation.
- Jimmy Carter

Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.
- Omar Khayyam

You can choose to be peaceful right here and now ...
it has nothing to do with what other people do or think.
- Gerald Jampolsky

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Service to others is the rent you pay
for your room here on earth.
- Muhammad Ali

Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished:
If you're alive, it isn't.
- Richard Bach

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;
what is essential is invisible to the eye.
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous

Part of our essential humanity is paying respect to what God gave us
and what will be here a long time after we're gone.
- William J. Clinton

The buck stops here.
- Harry S. Truman

Life is a constant opponent,
and an overpowering adversary if attacked directly.
The successful and happy ones dance lightly with life -
a parry here, a feint there - always engaged,
but never in the direct line of life's heaviest blows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't hurry. Don't worry.
You're only here for a short visit.
So don't forget to stop and smell the roses.
- Walter Hagen

For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for something,
some reason why we're here. What are we doing here? Who are we?
If this is a chance to find out
even just a little part of that answer...
I don't know, I think it's worth a human life. Don't you?
- the Jodie Foster movie Contact (1997)

The world is a better place because I am here;
the energy that I radiate into this world
is a gift beyond my own understanding.
Through ME, an all encompassing Love enters this world;
and I am profoundly grateful that the Powers of Light
have chosen ME to be a conduit for Infinite Love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is good to realize that if love and peace can prevail on earth,
and if we can teach our children to honor nature's gifts,
the joys and beauties of the outdoors will be here forever.
- Jimmy Carter

Every decision you make - every decision -
is not a decision about what to do.
It's a decision about Who You Are.
When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes.
You begin to see life in a new way.
All events, occurrences, and situations
turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Where am I? Who am I? How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director? I want to see him.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I believe in everything until it's disproved.
So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons.
It all exists, even if it's in your mind.
Who's to say that dreams and nightmares
aren't as real as the here and now?
- John Lennon

The past is no more and the future is not yet.
The only right person is one who lives moment to moment,
whose arrow is directed to the moment,
who is always here and now; wherever he is,
his whole consciousness, his whole being,
is involved in the reality of here and in the reality of now.
- Osho

Seek always to do some good, somewhere.
Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth.
You must give some time to your fellow man.
For remember, you don't live in a world all your own.
Your brothers are here too.
- Albert Schweitzer

It's not the situation that's causing your stress,
it's your thoughts,
and you can change that right here and now.
You can choose to be peaceful right here and now.
Peace is a choice,
and it has nothing to do with
what other people do or think.
- Gerald Jampolsky

Walk on road, hmmm?
Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe.
Walk middle, sooner or later get squish just like grape.
Here, karate, same thing.
Either you karate do "yes" or karate do "no."
You karate do "guess so," squish just like grape. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Our creator is the same and never changes
despite the names given Him by people here
and in all parts of the world.
Even if we gave Him no name at all,
He would still be there, within us,
waiting to give us good on this earth.
- George Washington Carver

Here in America we are descended in blood
and in spirit from revolutionists and rebels.
Men and women who dare to dissent from accepted doctrine.
As their heirs, may we never confuse
honest dissent with disloyal subversion.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Love is what we were born with.
Fear is what we learned here.
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- Marianne Williamson

You always have everything you need, right here, right now.
Do you know how I know? You're still here.
If you hadn't always been given everything you ever needed,
you wouldn't be here.
- Neale Donald Walsch

It was like being in the eye of a hurricane.
You'd wake up in a concert and think,
Wow, how did I get here?
- John Lennon

It's YOUR time - it's YOUR life -
YOU get to choose how you use it. T
here is no way that your life is "supposed" to be.
Your parents had their vision for your life.
Your boss, your spouse, your church, your friends,
and even the family next door have their ideas
of how you should live your life.
What about YOUR vision for your life?
What do YOU want?
YES, it matters what you want.
YES you can have what you want.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am trying to own my own opinions
and offer what I know as an option,
just as I would present a tray of appetizers for my guests.
Here are several choices that I have created -
if one looks good you are welcome to take it.
In other words, I am training myself to say,
"May I tell you how it is for me?"
When I ask the question, it means waiting
for the invitation to share.
It also means being prepared for my friend to say,
"No." They don't want to know.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Literature is my Utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised.
No barrier of the senses shuts me out from
the sweet, gracious discourses of my book friends.
They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness.
- Helen Keller

A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
- Anonymous

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Take care of the sense
and the sounds will take care of themselves.
- Lewis Carroll

In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill

I Act with Bold Courage:
Standing in the inspiring vision of my future,
I boldly take every step -
large and small - with courage and intent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong

Don't Take Anything Personally.
Nothing others do is because of you.
- Miguel Angel Ruiz (don Miguel Ruiz)


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.