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Funny Night Quotes
Funny Quotes about Night

Let these funny Night Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The darkest night is often the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was sleeping the other night, alone,
thanks to the exterminator.
- Emo Philips

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet,
I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
- Al Gore

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- Steve Martin


 

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman


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Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
- Rodney Dangerfield

My formula for living is quite simple.
I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night.
In between, I occupy myself as best I can.
- Cary Grant

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

I had a birthday one night on a farm we were shooting on.
I walked into the tent, and there were 150 people waiting for me,
all wearing masks of my face.
- Stephen Hopkins

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things
which escape those who dream only by night.
- Edgar Allen Poe

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day,
if I did not laugh I should die.
- Abraham Lincoln

Laughter is day, and sobriety is night;
a smile is the twilight that hovers gently between both,
more bewitching than either.
- Henry Ward Beecher

Night is certainly more novel and less profane than day.
- Henry David Thoreau

Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night.
- St.
Jerome

I used to be hung up on my figure, but it's a waste of time.
I don't believe in diets.
Have four pints one night, be healthy the next.
- Sophie Ellis Bextor

Even from the darkest night songs of beauty can be born.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

If you believe in forever,
then life is just a one night stand.
- The Righteous Brothers

Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.
- Jean Paul

A liberal is a man or a woman or a child who looks forward to a better day,
a more tranquil night, and a bright,
infinite future.
- Leonard Bernstein

A man is a success if he gets up in
the morning and gets to bed at night,
and in between he does what he wants to do.
- Bob Dylan

If the stars should appear
but one night every thousand years
how man would marvel and stare.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's like driving a car at night.
You never see further than your headlights,
but you can make the whole trip that way.
- E. L. Doctorow

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way
so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
- Emo Philips

It is a common experience that a problem difficult
at night is resolved in the morning after the committee
of sleep has worked on it.
- John Steinbeck

Love is staying up all night with a sick child -
or a healthy adult.
- David Frost

I close my eyes, then I drift away, into the magic night I softly say.
A silent prayer, like dreamers do, then I fall asleep
to dream my dreams of you.
- Roy Orbison

The less I take the difficulties of my life as personal affront,
and the more I use them as an opportunity to learn and grow...
the easier I sleep at night.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that
can stay up all night and eat anything.
- Herb Caen

Keep a grateful journal. Every night,
list five things you are grateful for.
- Oprah Winfrey

My philosophy from day one is that I can sleep better
at night if I can improve an individual's knowledge about food and wine,
and do it on a daily basis.
- Emeril Lagasse

Never get married in the morning - you never know who
you might meet that night.
- Paul Hornung

A man can do only what he can do.
But if he does that each day he can sleep at night
and do it again the next day.
- Albert Schweitzer

Everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking into the heart of the night.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

One of the oldest human needs is having someone
to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead

Medicine is my lawful wife and literature my mistress;
when I get tired of one,
I spend the night with the other.
- Anton Chekhov

Dying is a wild night and a new road.
- Emily Dickinson

Know that the darkest night is often
the bridge to the brightest tomorrow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Good night, and good luck.
- Edward R. Murrow

Everyone has an opinion on many subjects
and is ready to share those opinions -
labeling them as "truth."
Sometimes it is relatively easy
to filter out these opinions.
Upon hearing an ad for the latest
weight-loss powder on late-night TV,
our skepticism leaps to our defense.
However, if we have heard the same opinion for years
from our parents, friends,
government officials, or religious leaders,
we are more likely to believe without questioning
than to raise our filter of skepticism
and ask the hard questions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The ending of a job or a relationship
may appear as the darkest night,
but it is merely the Winter season -
the time of renewal and rebirth
that precedes the new planting -
the beginning of the next great cycle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

On life's journey, faith is nourishment,
virtuous deeds are a shelter,
wisdom is the light by day
and right mindfulness is the protection by night.
If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.
- The Buddha

I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog which growls every morning,
a parrot which swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships -
the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.
You know, one day you look at the person
and you see something more than you did the night before.
Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is...
suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
- Dana Scully

Do you know what it means to come home at night to
a woman who'll give you a little love,
a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house,
that's what it means.
- Henny Youngman

I can't live without my beauty products.
I love to be in my bathroom with my candles lit,
morning, noon and night.
I like taking hot baths and hot showers,
using my body scrubs and lotions.
- Traci Bingham

New Year's eve is like every other night;
there is no pause in the march of the universe,
no breathless moment of silence among created things
that the passage of another twelve months may be noted;
and yet no man has quite the same thoughts this evening
that come with the coming of darkness on other nights.
- Hamilton Wright Mabie

What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
- Crowfoot (Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890)

Bold Light of Spirit:
Out of the darkness and into the light,
Open our eyes and behold such a sight.
Brilliance of day takes the place of the night,
Boldness and courage are swords of His Might.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All men dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds,
wake in the day to find that it was vanity:
but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men,
for they may act on their dreams with open eyes,
to make them possible.
- T. E. Lawrence

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

I've always said that one night, I'm going to find
myself in some field somewhere,
I'm standing on grass, and it's raining,
and I'm with the person I love, and I know I'm at the
very point I've been dreaming of getting to.
- Drew Barrymore

Every night is different, you never know what it's going to be like.
I remember every night.
I don't like to compare them.
- Lenny Kravitz

I think it all goes down to who plays the better football on the night.
- Steven Gerrard

I enjoy Saturday night racing.
- Dale Earnhardt

When we lost, I couldn't sleep at night.
When we win, I can't sleep at night.
But, when you win, you wake up feeling better.
- Joe Torre

That's kind of the weird thing that M. Night Shyamalan
has sort of unleashed upon the world is this need for
every movie to have these ridiculous endings.
- Alex Winter

First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club.
And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.
- Marion Berry

You have to remember the band played from 1960 to 1965,
every night.
You get into a rut playing nightclubs every night,
and you didn't want to run it into the ground.
- Rick Danko

A mistress should be like a little country retreat near the town,
not to dwell in constantly, but only for a night and away.
- William Wycherley

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen

On that road of the informer, it is always night.
I cannot ever inform against anyone without feeling something die within me.
I inform without pleasure, because it is necessary.
- Whittaker Chambers

Talking about the all night concerts,
I did some of the first all night concerts back in
the 60's with this little harmonium,
and I also had saxophone taped delays.
- Terry Riley

Fashion offers no greater challenge than finding what
works for night without looking like you are wearing a costume.
- Vera Wang

Great numbers of the Indians pass our camp on their hunting excursions:
the day was clear and pleasant,
but last night was very cold and there was a white frost.
- Meriwether Lewis

The blue of my eyes is extinguished in this night,
the red gold of my heart.
- Georg Trakl

What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the
morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do.
- Bob Dylan

T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
- Clement Clarke Moore

I'm kind of an insomniac and watch TV late at night.
- Monica Keena


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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