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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Just Quotes
Funny Quotes about Just

Let these funny Just Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
- Alanis Morissette


 

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Electricity is really just organized lightning.
- George Carlin


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I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
- Bette Davis

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

I buy expensive suits.
They just look cheap on me.
- Warren Buffett

As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
- Tracey Ullman

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

I am certainly not an authority on love because there
are no authorities on love,
just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
- Bill Cosby

I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
- Winston Churchill

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

The way I see it, it doesn't matter what you believe,
just so you're sincere.
- Linus Van Pelt in Charles M. Schulz' Go Fly A Kite, Charlie Brown

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone,
"it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less."
- Lewis Carroll

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

It's just random chance, baby; get used to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just once in a while, let us exalt
the importance of ideas and information.
- Edward R. Murrow

Some days just go to Hell faster than others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

A wedding is just like a funeral
except that you get to smell your own flowers.
- Grace Hansen

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just because I don't care,
doesn't mean I don't understand.
- Matt Groening's TV series The Simpsons.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead

Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences.
No one can eliminate prejudices -
just recognize them.
- Edward R. Murrow

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

I love you just the way you are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We did not change as we grew older;
we just became more clearly ourselves.
- Lynn Hall

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Make sure you never, never argue at night.
You just lose a good night's sleep,
and you can't settle anything until morning anyway.
- Rose Kennedy

Life just happens - enjoy it anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I was thinking that I might fly today.
Just to disprove all the things you say...
please be careful with me, I'm sensitive,
and I'd like to stay that way.
- Jewel

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2

I'm not a genius.
I'm just a tremendous bundle of experience.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.