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Funny Someone Quotes
Funny Quotes about Someone

Let these funny Someone Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2


 

A child of five would understand this.
Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler


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Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard

Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone

Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone
what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust,
neither can we find love or joy.
- Walter Anderson

Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson

Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous

You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous

Hell is living with someone who complains, whines, and argues.
- Anonymous

The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller

The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry

When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch

When someone has a strong intuitive connection,
Buddhism suggests that it's because of karma,
some past connection.
- Richard Gere

When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

One of the oldest human needs is having someone
to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead

Can miles truly separate us from friends?
If we want to be with someone we love, aren't we already there?
- Richard Bach

When someone asks if you'd like cake or pie,
why not say you want cake and pie?
- Lisa Loeb

The writer, when he is also an artist,
is someone who admits what others don't dare reveal.
- Elia Kazan

Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free
and realizing you were the prisoner!
- Max Lucado

I'd rather lose my own money than someone else's.
- Dean Kamen

In old age we are like a batch of letters that someone has sent.
We are no longer in the past, we have arrived.
- Knut Hamsun

Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.
- Andre Breton

Faith is much better than belief.
Belief is when someone else does the thinking.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

You don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.
- Anonymous

An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.
- Albert Camus

Even the rich are hungry for love,
for being cared for, for being wanted,
for having someone to call their own.
- Mother Teresa

To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao Tzu

Embrace your uniqueness.
Time is much too short to be
living someone else's life.
- Kobi Yamada

Every piece of software written today is likely going
to infringe on someone else's patent.
- Miguel de Icaza

Forgiving is not a gift to someone else.
Forgiving is your gift to yourself -
a great gift - the gift of happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall into
mutually satisfying weirdness -
and call it love - true love.
- Robert Fulghum.

Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.
- Albert Schweitzer

Love is that splendid triggering of human vitality
the supreme activity which nature affords anyone for
going out of himself toward someone else.
- Jose Ortega y Gasset

A hero is someone who has given his life to
something bigger than himself
or something other than himself.
- Joseph Campbell

There's a saying.
If you want someone to love you forever,
buy a dog, feed it and keep it around.
- Dick Dale

A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous

What politicians want to create is irreversible change
because when you leave office someone changes it back again.
- Estelle Morris

What is a friend? I will tell you ...
it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.
- Frank Crane

Do more than is required.
What is the distance between someone who achieves their
goals consistently and those who spend their lives
and careers merely following? The extra mile.
- Gary Ryan Blair

Every time you smile at someone,
it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa

There's nothing I value more than the closeness of friends and family,
a smile as I pass someone on the street.
- Willie Stargell

Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous

Babies don't need fathers, but mothers do.
Someone who is taking care of a baby needs to be taken care of.
- Amy Heckerling

Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom
understand that the impulse to blame
something or someone is foolishness,
that there is nothing to be gained in blaming,
whether it be others or oneself.
- Epictetus


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.