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Funny Bail Quotes
Funny Quotes about Bail

Let these funny Bail Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

A man of courage never needs weapons,
but he may need bail.
- Lewis Mumford

I don't want the federal government to rush in and bail the out right away.
- Dennis Moore

Death's a debt; his mandamus binds all alike-
no bail,
no demurrer.
- Richard Brinsley Sheridan


 

There's a black man inside of me just trying to make bail.
- Brad Garrett

The reason that the unions and the other stakeholders
have not cut a deal with the automakers is because
they believe the federal government is going to bail them out.
- Timothy Pawlenty

When assumptions were made that I was going to bail
out there was a little part of my brain that thought
'I am going to do to prove them wrong'.
In the end that wouldn't be coming from my heart and doing what was right.
- Craig Stevens


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I mean, the reality is unemployment today -
over 14 million Americans are unemployed.
That's exactly what it was a year ago.
I mean, this - the American people know we can't borrow
and spend and bail our way back to a growing economy.
- Mike Pence

As a Republican, I voted with President Clinton consistently
in our efforts to bail out our European friends in Kosovo to stop genocide.
I am proud of those votes.
I am proud of President Clinton for that.
- Gordon Smith

Humor has bailed me out of more tight situations than I can think of.
If you go with your instincts and keep your humor,
creativity follows.
With luck, success comes, too.
- Jimmy Buffett

Altman was told they wouldn't do the film with me.
He could easily have abandoned me, but he stood by
me and really bailed me out.
- Tim Robbins

So it's a mistake for someone to think that they bailed New York out.
They did assist us, for which we are grateful,
but it's a mistake to say we bailed New York out by
giving them a grant of money to help those poor people
who throw it away on welfare.
- David Dinkins

There's another way we are getting behind business -
by sorting out the banks.
Taxpayers bailed you out.
Now it's time for you to repay the favour and start
lending to Britain's small businesses.
- David Cameron

You know, Hoosiers recognize pork when we see it.
And they recognize what bailing out every failing business in America means -
We're burying generations under a mountain range of debt.
- Mike Pence

It sounds mercenary and it smacks of rats leaving the sinking ship.
But get real, when everyone is bailing out,
you don't want to be the last man standing.
- Robbie Fowler

Remember the Tea Party movement didn't get started
in September of 2008 when the bank bailout was passed.
It really began on Feb.
19th, 2009 when a television commentator named Rick
Santelli stood up and said what the hell are we doing
bailing out people who couldn't afford a mortgage by
taking money from people like me who are prudent?
- Karl Rove

I played from the time I was seven years old.
My father was my first baseman coach.
I had opportunities that I never really pursued -
with some Miami teams and a few larger colleges,
and then I ended up bailing and began cooking.
- Todd English

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job.
Depression is when you lose yours.
- Ronald Reagan

We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
- Alanis Morissette

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you;
she is after your barn.
- Hesiod

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Never have more children than you have car windows.
- Erma Bombeck

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
- Phyllis Diller

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well,
no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
- Robert Byrne

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous

Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell, the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
- Bill Cosby

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch
too many of them together.
- Josh Billings

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender,
but you don't have a top for it.
- Jerry Seinfeld

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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