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Funny Nearly Quotes
Funny Quotes about Nearly

Let these funny Nearly Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

How is it that one rails against that
which is nearly a certainty?
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain


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A moderate addiction to money may not always be hurtful;
but when taken in excess it is nearly always bad for the health.
- Clarence Day

I waited and worked, and watched the inferior exalted for nearly thirty years;
and when recognition came at last,
it was too late to alter events, or to make a difference in living.
- Ellen Glasgow

It was in the year 1820, when I was nearly nine years old,
that I first went to a regular school.
- John Bright

Nearly all our originality comes from the stamp that
time impresses upon our sensibility.
- Charles Baudelaire

Freedom of expression is the matrix,
the indispensable condition,
of nearly every other form of freedom.
- Benjamin Cardozo

There is hard hitting, but the hitting is not nearly
as hard as it used to be.
- Jim Otto

And we'd drink huge amounts of scotch and coke,
which is a ghastly sweet drink...
And now people don't drink nearly as much,
for good reason.
We're all a little wiser.
- Bill Bruford

Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected,
unplanned by me.
- Carl Sandburg

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson

Nearly every country in the world is now becoming industrialized as rapidly as it can.
- John Boyd Orr

You can make an audience see nearly anything,
if you yourself believe in it.
- Mary Renault

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent
of all accidents involving falling objects.
- Dave Barry

Nearly all institutions, it might be said,
are based on signs, but these signs do not directly evoke things.
- Ferdinand de Saussure

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities.
I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.
- Billy Connolly

Repaying the debt of these ultimate sacrifices seems
nearly impossible but we must try.
- Michael N. Castle

Why is it not just as likely that there were as many
small general nearly at first as now,
and as great a disproportion in the number of their species?
- Asa Gray

Nearly every study shows that competition from cheap
foreign labor undercuts the wages of American workers and legal immigrants.
- Lamar S. Smith

Criticism and pessimism destroy families,
undermine institutions of all kinds,
defeat nearly everyone,
and spread a shroud of gloom over entire nations.
- Gordon B. Hinckley

In 2001, America 's hospitals provided nearly $21 billion
in uncompensated health care services.
- Gary Miller

Once I completed the Cube and demonstrated it to my students,
I realized it was nearly impossible to put down.
- Erno Rubik

The suffering of the Bahamian people is nearly ended.
A new day is coming.
It is almost here.
- Perry Christie

Currently, more than 4.7 million African Americans
receive Social Security benefits,
and nearly 8 million people with disabilities depend
on Social Security for their daily sustenance.
- Chaka Fattah

Two things scare me.
The first is getting hurt.
But that's not nearly as scary as the second,
which is losing.
- Lance Armstrong

In addition, California spends nearly $1 billion a
year in Medi-Cal services for an average of 780,000
illegal immigrants a month,
over and above emergency health services.
- Elton Gallegly

People nearly always believe, and are willing to back
it up with weapons and cruelty,
that their religion and way of life is better than the other person's.
- Caroline B. Cooney

A chief called Lawyer, because he was a great talker,
took the lead in the council, and sold nearly all the Nez Perce country.
- Chief Joseph

The strips are nearly effortless unless I am really emotionally upset,
a wreck.
- Lynda Barry

I play a scientist in a futuristic world in which 99%
of the men have been wiped out.
As a result, the women are nearly all homosexuals and the children are cloned.
- Julie Bowen

We are going to see a tremendous number of health professionals
retire over the next 8-10 years.
We are not doing nearly enough to deal with this problem.
- David Obey

Nearly everyone I met, worked with, or read about was my teacher,
one way or another.
- Loretta Young

A man nearly always loves for other reasons than he thinks.
A lover is apt to be as full of secrets from himself
as is the object of his love from him.
- Ben Hecht

As an actress, emotions are my business,
my stock-in-trade.
As such, I've dealt with them nearly all my life.
- Loretta Young

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own
absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins,
or nearly all, save those worth committing.
- Samuel Butler

Nearly everything I do is part of a master plan to
make me the most important entertainer in the world.
- Bobby Darin

There is no direct evidence that nuclear weapons prevented a world war.
Conversely, it is known that they nearly caused one.
- Joseph Rotblat

It is indeed an odd business that it has taken this
Court nearly two centuries to "discover" a constitutional
mandate to have counsel at a preliminary hearing.
- Warren E. Burger

Don't undertake a project unless it is manifestly important and nearly impossible.
- Edwin Land

Today, nearly 40 percent of a senior's healthcare spending
is on pharmaceutical medications.
- Dennis Hastert

Opening the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge stands
to not only increase the United States' oil reserves by nearly 50 percent,
but it will create thousands of good U.S.
jobs.
- Bob Ney

Diplomacy means the art of nearly deceiving all your friends,
but not quite deceiving all your enemies.
- Kofi Busia

Nearly everything in life goes in threes and fours.
- Ninette de Valois

Nearly one in ten Americans are still out of work.
And still, the President and Congress are focused on
ramming through their health-care bill,
whatever it takes, whatever the cost.
- Scott Brown

There are some faults so nearly allied to excellence
that we can scarce weed out the vice without eradicating the virtue.
- Oliver Goldsmith

First there was the New Hampshire primary,
and we had nearly a year leading up to it.
And now, look!
Three primaries in one weekend!
How many of these things are they going to have?
- Ed Helms

Don't forget this club nearly went out of extinction last year.
- Alan Smith

Beef also was difficult to be procured and exceedingly poor;
the price nearly sixpence farthing per pound.
- William Bligh

Ignorance per se is not nearly as dangerous as ignorance of ignorance.
- Sydney J. Harris

Charm, in most men and nearly all women,
is a decoration.
- E. M. Forster

I began the way nearly everybody I ever heard of -
I began writing poetry.
And I find that to be quite usual with writers,
their trying their hand at poetry.
- Shelby Foote

Call me Jonah.
My parents did, or nearly did.
They called me John.
- Kurt Vonnegut

Ankles are nearly always neat and good-looking,
but knees are nearly always not.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Nearly every man who develops an idea works it up to
the point where it looks impossible,
and then he gets discouraged.
That's not the place to become discouraged.
- Thomas A. Edison

Nearly every coach I've talked with tells me that the
attention you get from media and other people is the thing you miss most.
I don't know if that's right.
- Bear Bryant

It is nearly always the most improbable things that really come to pass.
- E. T. A. Hoffmann

The real exertion in the case of an opera singer lies
not so much in her singing as in her acting of a role,
for nearly every modern opera makes great dramatic and physical demands.
- Maria Jeritza

Nearly every glamorous, wealthy, successful career
woman you might envy now started out as some kind of schlep.
- Helen Gurley Brown

You must try to match your colors as nearly as you
can to those you see before you,
and you must study the effects of light and shade on
nature's own hues and tints.
- William Merritt Chase

Rosa Parks' courage, determination, and tenacity continue
to be an inspiration to all those committed to non-violent
protest and change nearly half a century later.
- Bob Filner

We are the biggest donor to the United Nations,
contributing 22 percent of the regular operating budget
and nearly 27 percent of the peacekeeping budget.
- Cliff Stearns

When I was in the seventh grade I did a report about
the environment and the loss of species.
It was supposed to be only a few pages,
but ended up being nearly 50.
- Woody Harrelson

In person, George W. Bush is extremely forceful.
He has a restless energy when he sits in a chair,
and nearly leaps out of it when making certain points.
- Rich Lowry

The Postal Service delivers mail six days a week to
nearly 140 million addresses.
Every year this number increases by 2 million.
- Joe Baca

Nearly all the Brazilian supporters are wearing yellow shirts -
it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of colour.
- John Motson

Divorce is probably of nearly the same date as marriage.
I believe, however, that marriage is some weeks the more ancient.
- Voltaire


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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