If you have only one smile in you, by Maya Angelou

If you have only one smile in you,
by Maya Angelou

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou

The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou

If you don't like something, change it,
If you can't change it, change your attitude
- Maya Angelou

There's a world of difference between truth and facts.
Facts can obscure truth.
- Maya Angelou

I have found that among its other benefits,
giving liberates the soul of the giver.
- Maya Angelou

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

One must know not just how to accept a gift,
but with what grace to share it.
- Maya Angelou

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Funny Quotes

Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:

If you have only one smile in you,by Maya Angelou

Funny Quotes

If you have only one smile in you,
by Maya Angelou