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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Then Quotes
Funny Quotes about Then

Let these funny Then Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

I washed a sock.
Then I put it in the dryer.
When I took it out, it was gone.
- Rod Schmidt

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)


 

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer


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If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of
you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns,
then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
- Bill Cosby

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

Life's a bitch... and then you change your attitude.
- Jennifer Unlimited

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
- Mark Twain

If everyone demanded peace
instead of another television set,
then there'd be peace.
- John Lennon

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard

If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Every religion is true one way or another.
It is true when understood metaphorically.
But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors,
interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble.
- Joseph Campbell

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

Touch me in the morning
Then just walk away
We don't have tomorrow
But we had yesterday
- Ron Miller/Michael Masser

If you fear making anyone mad,
then you ultimately probe for
the lowest common denominator of human achievement.
- Jimmy Carter

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself.
You will then find out how easy it is to get along.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

Live your life, do your work, then take your hat.
- Henry David Thoreau

Every human life contains a potential,
if that potential is not fulfilled,
then that life was wasted...
- Carl Jung

Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with.
It responds like a snail to our impatience,
then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath.
- the movie Simon Birch

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

Once you know yourself as a genuine seeker,
and when your own inner chamber is quite enlightened,
then comes the natural unfoldment of pure love and compassion
and a genuine desire to serve others.
- Rod Stryker

Laughter gives us distance.
It allows us to step back from an event,
deal with it and then move on.
- Bob Newhart

If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Everyone should carefully observe
which way his heart draws him,
and then choose that way with all his strength.
- Hasidic Proverb

Thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

Choose Inner Peace.
Nothing is worth losing your inner peace.
Take action as circumstances require,
but never surrender your inner peace.
Stop. Breathe deeply.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply again.
Then, and only then, take action -
from a peaceful heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Choose wisely - then act decisively. Do it today!
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

Start by doing what's necessary;
then do what's possible;
and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
- St. Francis of Assisi

If people are good only because they
fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
- Albert Einstein

Friends are those rare people who ask how we are
and then wait to hear the answer.
- Anonymous

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are
and then live with that decision.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

THE fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
- Carl Sandburg

Life is a travelling to the edge of knowledge,
then a leap taken.
- David Herbert Lawrence

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.
Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
- Katharine Hepburn

If the United Nations is a country unto itself,
then the commodity it exports most is words.
- Esther B. Fein

Can you let go of words and ideas,
attitudes and expectations?
If so, then the Tao will loom into view.
- Lao Tzu

When the tempest rages, when the thunders roar,
and the lightnings blaze around us
it is then that the truly brave man stands firm at his post.
- Luther Martin

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

But if each man could have his own house,
a large garden to cultivate and healthy surroundings -
then,
I thought, there will be for them a better opportunity of a happy family life.
- George Cadbury

When you are offended at any man's fault,
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger.
- Epictetus

What then is time? If no one asks me,
I know what it is.
If I wish to explain it to him who asks,
I do not know.
- Saint Augustine

Trust that little voice in your head that says 'Wouldn't
it be interesting if...';
And then do it.
- Duane Michals

Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If everyone is moving forward together,
then success takes care of itself.
- Henry Ford

Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail,
then he has a weak-end.
- June Carter

I congratulate myself warmly for each accomplishment,
then ask, "What's next?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have only one smile in you,
give it to the people you love.
Don't be surly at home,
then go out in the street
and start grinning good morning
at total strangers.
- Maya Angelou

The only thing that I'd rather own than Windows is English,
because then I could charge you two hundred and forty-nine
dollars for the right to speak it.
- Scott McNealy

Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract,
and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.
- Isadora Duncan

There's no money in poetry, but then there's no poetry in money,
either.
- Robert Graves

Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees,
then names the streets after them.
- Bill Vaughan

My father taught me that the only way you can make
good at anything is to practice,
and then practice some more.
- Pete Rose

Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly.
- Epictetus

Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things,
and then proceed to greater.
- Epictetus

For every person who has ever lived there has come,
at last, a spring he will never see.
Glory then in the springs that are yours.
- Pam Brown

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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