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Funny Total Quotes
Funny Quotes about Total

Let these funny Total Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

About half my designs are controlled fantasy,
15 percent are total madness and the rest are bread-and-butter designs.
- Manolo Blahnik

And when is there time to remember, to sift,
to weigh, to estimate, to total?
- Tillie Olsen

The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take
total responsibility for our attitudes.
That's the day we truly grow up.
- John C. Maxwell


 

Your success will shine as a light of hope
and inspire numbers you cannot total.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

True, a little learning is a dangerous thing,
but it still beats total ignorance.
- Abigail Van Buren

Love is the total absence of fear.
Love asks no questions.
Its natural state is one of extension and expansion,
not comparison and measurement.
- Gerald Jampolsky


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Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking
place in an atmosphere of total tranquillity.
- Billie Jean King

History is the sum total of things that could have been avoided.
- Konrad Adenauer

If you have only one smile in you,
give it to the people you love.
Don't be surly at home,
then go out in the street
and start grinning good morning
at total strangers.
- Maya Angelou

Urgency is a grim taskmaster.
Escape time, and life becomes irie.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
("Irie" is a Jamaican word for being at total peace
with your current state of being.)

A cardinal principle of Total Quality escapes too many managers:
you cannot continuously improve interdependent systems
and processes until you progressively perfect interdependent,
interpersonal relationships.
- Stephen Covey

Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu

Today the predatory state, or the predatory group of states,
with power of total destruction, is no more to be tolerated
than the predatory individual.
- Lester B. Pearson

I did three tours in Vietnam.
I guess a total of about almost two years.
- Morley Safer

If you want to see mankind fully, look at a family.
Within the family minds become organically one,
and for this reason the family is total poetry.
- Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

I'm a total performer.
- Aaliyah

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.
- Jim Morrison

The internet is a total inversion of television.
It's the opposite.
- Joel Hodgson

I'm an utterly average, total geek.
- Julia Roberts

Communism is the death of the soul.
It is the organization of total conformity -
in short,
of tyranny - and it is committed to making tyranny universal.
- Adlai E. Stevenson

Temperance is moderation in the things that are good
and total abstinence from the things that are foul.
- Frances E. Willard

The face of evil is always the face of total need.
- William S. Burroughs

Marriage is for women the commonest mode of livelihood,
and the total amount of undesired sex endured by women
is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution.
- Bertrand Russell

A total nuclear freeze is counterproductive -
especially now,
when technology is rapidly changing and the Soviets
have some important strategic advantages.
- Herman Kahn

All that political stuff Delano was doing.
Me, I've gone off the top, into total fantasy.
- Eddie Campbell

In 1983 I'd had a number one.
I'd sold 6 million copies of Total Eclipse Of The Heart all over the world.
- Bonnie Tyler

The number, the industry, and the morality of the priesthood,
and the devotion of the people have been manifestly
increased by the total separation of the church from the state.
- James Madison

The only way a kid is going to practice is if it's total fun for him...
and it was for me.
- Wayne Gretzky

The Preparatory Commission held a total of four sessions,
the last of which took place just under two years after its creation,
from 31 January to 14 February 1967.
- Alfonso G. Robles

Insane sects grow with the same rhythm as big organizations.
It is the rhythm of total destruction.
- Theodor Adorno

To hang out in a gay bar or put on a sequined halter
top makes me feel like a total person.
- Dennis Rodman

Whenever a total eclipse of the sun was visible in
an accessible region parties were sent out to observe it.
- Simon Newcomb

Partial truths or half-truths are often more insidious than total falsehoods.
- Samuel P. Huntington

This means that no single logic is strong enough to
support the total construction of human knowledge.
- Jean Piaget

I'd cap the total amount of income taxes paid by Americans
to no more than 25 percent and tax all income only once.
- Cesar Conda

Character is that sum total of moments we can't explain.
- George Saunders

Acting is a total physical, emotional sensation.
- Armand Assante

I've had great success being a total idiot.
- Jerry Lewis

In 1860 a total eclipse of the sun was visible in British America.
- Simon Newcomb

So I guess I had, I think they tell me I had,
about three years total of piano lessons,
off and on.
- Warren Zevon

One has to devote oneself to a particular pursuit.
To be successful at anything, you have to make a total commitment to it.
- Donald Johanson

Strict justice would demand total confiscation of your property,
personal imprisonment and fines.
- Zebulon Pike

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap.
It's a total turn-off.
- Doug Coupland

We should remember the campaign advertising will be
only a smaller portion of the President's total exposure.
- Robert Teeter

Prayer is commitment.
We don't merely co-operate with God with certain things held back within.
We, the total person, co-operate.
This means that co-operation equals committment.
- E. Stanley Jones

The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of
the most singular things in all literature.
- Alfred North Whitehead

The majority of people who buy homes in golf course
communities don't play golf.
Golf is way down at the bottom in terms of total numbers and growth.
- Ed McMahon

The worst enemy of life, freedom and the common decencies is total anarchy;
their second worst enemy is total efficiency.
- Aldous Huxley

Thus in Christianity the alienation had become total,
and it was this total alienation that was the biggest
obstacle to the progress of self-consciousness.
- Bruno Bauer

My mother gave me a sense of independence,
a sense of total confidence that we could do whatever it was we set out to do.
That's how we were raised.
- Robin Wright Penn

We are 5 percent of the global population and consume
a third of the total resources -
on some level we should all feel guilty relative to the world.
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Although I had arrived in total darkness the light
of truth at once burst upon my mind and I perceived
most clearly that the republicans had overreached themselves.
- Francis Bond Head

Originality is not seen in single words or even in sentences.
Originality is the sum total of a man's thinking or his writing.
- Isaac Bashevis Singer

To many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
- Saint Augustine

James Joyce - an essentially private man who wished
his total indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
- Tom Stoppard

I have the power of my height.
Growing up, it was a total drawback.
There was nothing good about it at all.
- Allison Janney

Terrorism, too, must be excised wherever it exists,
which will take years, and which can't happen without
the total commitment and the everyday involvement of the American people.
- David Hackworth

In a world in which the total of human knowledge is
doubling about every ten years,
our security can rest only on our ability to learn.
- Nathaniel Branden

Hezbollah's contempt for human suffering is total,
as it showed once again this morning when its rockets
murdered two Israeli Arab children in Nazareth.
- Tom Lantos

I dream of a collaboration that would finally be total,
in which the librettist would often think as a composer
and the composer as a librettist.
- Jacques Ibert

Nothing is so perfectly amusing as a total change of ideas.
- Laurence Sterne

He has all those different aspects to him,
so I can more or less decide as a performer how I'm
going to deliver a line in a particular scene,
or play a particular scene in total.
- Paul Darrow

But the real secret to total gorgeousness is to believe in yourself,
have self confindence, and try to be secure in your decisions and thoughts.
- Kirsten Dunst

Teachability and trust always leads to total obedience.
- Ed Townsend

Today's cinema is a global art form,
it is impossible to make movies for a market the size of France,
representing no more than 4% of the world's total.
- Jean-Jacques Annaud

My total winnings after 14 appearances were $129,000.
- Charles Van Doren

No, my work does not reflect my sexual preferences,
it reflects the fact that I feel total freedom as an artist.
- Patti Smith

Willingness to change is a strength,
even if it means plunging part of the company into
total confusion for a while.
- Jack Welch

The friend that I based Heffer on was adopted,
and it all played into his total personality.
- Joe Murray

You are all things.
Denying, rejecting, judging or hiding from any aspect
of your total being creates pain and results in a lack of wholeness.
- Joy Page


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