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Let these funny Switch Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Well, it seems to me that the best relationships -
the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.
You know, one day you look at the person
and you see something more than you did the night before.
Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is...
suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
- Dana Scully
When a man you like switches from what
he said a year ago, or four years ago,
he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough
to change his mind with changing conditions.
When a man you don't like does it,
he is a liar who has broken his promise.
- Franklin Pierce Adams
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
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A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.