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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Man Quotes
Funny Quotes about Man

Let these funny Man Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous


 

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West


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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a
man is when he is a baby.
- Natalie Wood

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

One man's folly is another man's wife.
- Helen Rowland

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
- Lana Turner

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Jim Carrey

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms
of a woman without also falling into her hands.
- Jerry Lewis

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
- Robert Byrne

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that
he has descended from man.
- H. L. Mencken

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

My uncle Sammy was an angry man.
He had printed on his tombstone: What are you looking at?
- Margaret Smith

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer


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