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Funny Ones Quotes
Funny Quotes about Ones

Let these funny Ones Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Curiosity takes courage.
The most important promises are the ones you make to yourself.
Pay Attention.
Appreciate. Listen. Imagine.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel

I cannot pretend to be impartial about the colors.
I rejoice with the brilliant ones, and
am genuinely sorry for the poor browns.
- Winston Churchill


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I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain

My heroes are the ones who survived doing it wrong,
who made mistakes, but recovered from them.
- Bono


 

I've learned that you should always
leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.
- Anonymous

Everyone believes that their beliefs are the right ones -
that is why they are called beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones,
as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
- Francois de la Rochefoucauld

When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck

Our grandchildren's grandchildren will shake their heads in shame
at some of the beliefs that we hold most dear today -
the question is, which ones?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Home is not a structure, but the place that we feel comfortable -
the place we belong - the place of our loved ones.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The wise ones fashioned speech with their thought,
sifting it as grain is sifted through a sieve.
- The Buddha

It is important to expect nothing,
to take every experience,
including the negative ones,
as merely steps on the path,
and to proceed.
- Ram Dass

It is always better to have no ideas than false ones;
to believe nothing, than to believe what is wrong.
- Thomas Jefferson

I can't understand why people
are frightened by new ideas.
I'm frightened of old ones.
- John Cage

Home is where our loved ones are.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One thing I know: the only ones among you
who will be really happy are those
who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

Love cures people - both the ones who give it
and the ones who receive it.
- Karl A. Menninger

Great opportunities to help others seldom come,
but small ones surround us every day.
- Sally Koch

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know:
the only ones among you who will be really happy
are those who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

Best friends are the ones who can be the farthest away
but there the fastest when you call.
- Anonymous

The successful and happy ones dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

People with great gifts are easy to find,
but symmetrical and balanced ones never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters
cannot be trusted in large ones either.
- Albert Einstein

Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments.
- Henry Ward Beecher

I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde

From far beyond this life,
I hear the call.
From place beyond all place,
I feel the call.
From time before all time,
I know the call.
From one before all ones,
I am the call.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love begins by taking care of the closest ones -
the ones at home.
- Mother Teresa

The only ones among you who will be really happy
are those who will have sought and found how to serve.
- Albert Schweitzer

Life is a constant opponent,
and an overpowering adversary if attacked directly.
The successful and happy ones dance lightly with life -
a parry here, a feint there - always engaged,
but never in the direct line of life's heaviest blows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The only questions that really matter are the ones you ask yourself.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding

The most important promises are
the ones we make to ourselves.
The promises we makes to ourselves
are the things that assure us
we have the capacity
to keep our promises to others.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Thoughtful people seldom share exactly the same opinion -
the same point-of-view.
The wise ones understand that they know nothing -
for virtually none of our experience is truly factual -
and they graciously honor all other opinions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships -
the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.
You know, one day you look at the person
and you see something more than you did the night before.
Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is...
suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
- Dana Scully

Home is where our loved ones are.
Home is not a structure, but the place that we feel comfortable,
the place we belong - the place of our loved ones.
A palace is not a home without loved ones.
A shack or an open field can be paradise
when shared with a loving family.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loved ones -
whether by blood, by marriage, or by choice -
are delicate treasures.
If we hold them too close, they break -
as a butterfly would.
By honoring and enjoying
the freedom of our loved ones,
we gain our own freedom.
Have the courage to trust that
the beautiful butterflies of your life
will return - or not - as life intends.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This life is what you make it.
Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes,
it's a universal truth.
But the good part is,
you get to decide how you're going to mess it up.
Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway.
But just remember, some come, some go.
The ones that stay with you through everything -
they're your true best friends.
Don't let go of them.
Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world.
- Marilyn Monroe

We all should choose our friends carefully.
I used to think that no one could know me better than somebody else,
because you're inside yourself, your body, you can't see yourself.
If you think like that, you surround yourself with
other people who are willing to tell you who you are,
which are usually judgmental people ...
we should really surround ourselves with the ones
that adore us and believe in the highest of us.
- Jewel

A city is a place where there is no need to
wait for next week to get the answer to a question,
to taste the food of any country,
to find new voices to listen to and familiar ones to listen to again.
- Margaret Mead

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.