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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Been Quotes
Funny Quotes about Been

Let these funny Been Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers
to die in the dressing room.
- Mercedes McCambridge

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet,
I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
- Al Gore

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I
should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin


 

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill

She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced
so they won't think something's wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler


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I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
- Calvin Coolidge

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It has always been a mystery to me
how men can feel themselves honored
by the humiliation of their fellow beings.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein

So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

In every country and every age,
the priest had been hostile to Liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson

Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For all sad words of tongue and pen,
The saddest are these, "It might have been.
- John Greenleaf Whittier

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

No person was ever honored for what he received.
Honor has been the reward for what he gave.
- Calvin Coolidge

A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt

The road to perdition has ever been
accompanied by lip service to an ideal.
- Albert Einstein

Sometimes, indeed, there is such a discrepancy
between the genius and his human qualities
that one has to ask oneself whether
a little less talent might not have been better.
- Carl Jung

Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The wish for healing has always been half of health.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolph Hitler

Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton

One never notices what has been done;
one can only see what remains to be done.
- Marie Curie

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige

I often regret that I have spoken;
never that I have been silent.
- Publilius Syrus

There ain't no answer.
There ain't gonna be any answer.
There never has been an answer.
That's the answer.
- Gertrude Stein

I have always been regretting that
I was not as wise as the day I was born.
- Henry David Thoreau

Dad, I'm in some trouble.
There's been an accident and you're going to hear all
sorts of things about me from now on.
Terrible things.
- Edward Kennedy

This is the city of dreamers and time and again it's
the place where the greatest dream of all,
the American dream, has been tested and has triumphed.
- Michael Bloomberg

It has been said that 80% of what people learn is visual.
- Allen Klein

No matter where I've been overseas, the food stinks,
except in Italy.
- Carmen Electra

Politics, it seems to me, for years,
or all too long,
has been concerned with right or left instead of right or wrong.
- Richard Armour

As a designer, the mission with which we have been charged is simple:
providing space at the right cost.
- Harry von Zell

It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,'
but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.
- Mike Royko

Sadly, embryonic stem cell research is completely legal
in this country and has been going on at universities
and research facilities for years.
- Mike Pence

Love is what you've been through with somebody.
- James Thurber

Anthropology demands the open-mindedness
with which one must look and listen,
record in astonishment
and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess.
- Margaret Mead

Most of the things worth doing in the world had been
declared impossible before they were done.
- Louis D. Brandeis

Art begins with resistance - at the point where resistance is overcome.
No human masterpiece has ever been created without great labor.
- Andre Gide

If the Romans had been obliged to learn Latin,
they would never have found time to conquer the world.
- Heinrich Heine

If the tongue had not been framed for articulation,
man would still be a beast in the forest.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My hope is that 10 years from now, after I've been
across the street at work for a while,
they'll all be glad they gave me that wonderful vote.
- Sandra Day O'Connor

Every politician should have been born an orphan and remain a bachelor.
- Lady Bird Johnson

I've been amazed at how often those outside the discipline
of design assume that what designers do is decoration.
Good design is problem solving.
- Jeffery Veen

Never has there been a good war or a bad peace.
- Benjamin Franklin

A husband is what is left of a lover,
after the nerve has been extracted.
- Helen Rowland

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

The battle for women's rights has been largely won.
- Margaret Thatcher

The task of the leader is to get his people from where
they are to where they have not been.
- Henry A. Kissinger

Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens
we have to keep going back and beginning all over again.
- Andre Gide

But to personally satisfy my own adrenalin needs,
I've been racing cars a little bit, which has been fun.
- Picabo Street

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago,
Catholic school children would be wearing little electric
chairs around their necks instead of crosses.
- Lenny Bruce

Wealth is not without its advantages and the case to the contrary,
although it has often been made, has never proved widely persuasive.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

You don't help people in your poems.
I've been trying to help people all my life -
that's my trouble.
- Charles Olson

Great buildings that move the spirit have always been rare.
In every case they are unique, poetic,
products of the heart.
- Arthur Erickson


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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