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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Before Quotes
Funny Quotes about Before

Let these funny Before Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- Mae West

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill


 

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

All men are equal before fish.
- Herbert Hoover

Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill


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Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

Sometimes I've believed as many as
six impossible things before breakfast.
- Lewis Carroll

Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

Poets have said that the reason to have children is
to give yourself immortality.
Immortality? Now that I have five children,
my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
- Bill Cosby

There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

What lies behind us and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Before moving on, you have to clear away your cherished beliefs.
- Dick Raymond

Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone
what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

We must be our own before we can be another's.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere,
and many of us will have to pass
through the valley of the shadow of death
again and again before we reach
the mountaintop of our desires.
- Nelson Mandela

Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.
- William Shakespeare

We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't be dismayed by good-byes.
A farewell is necessary before you can meet again.
- Richard Bach

In case you failed to notice,
in case you failed to see,
this is my heart,
bleeding before you,
this is me down on my knees.
- Jewel

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

If you have no confidence in self,
you are twice defeated in the race of life.
With confidence, you have won even before you have started.
- Marcus Tullius Cicero

When I stand before God at the end of my life,
I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
- Erma Bombeck

Every known fact in natural science was divined
by the presentiment of somebody,
before it was actually verified.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Grace isn't just a little prayer
you say before receiving a meal.
It's a way to live.
- Jackie Windspear

If the grandfather of the grandfather of Jesus had
known what was hidden within him,
he would have stood humble and awe-struck before his soul.
- Khalil Gibran

Life is half spent before we know what it is.
- George Herbert

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.
- E. B. White

One of the true tests of leadership is the ability
to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.
- Arnold H. Glasow

True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington

Love comes to those who still hope
even though they've been disappointed,
to those who still believe
even though they've been betrayed,
to those who still love
even though they've been hurt before.
- Anonymous

Nurturing is not complex.
It's simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you
and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Every major food company now has an organic division.
There's more capital going into organic agriculture than ever before.
- Michael Pollan

Change means that what was before wasn't perfect.
People want things to be better.
- Esther Dyson

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
- T. S. Eliot

Never spend your money before you have earned it.
- Thomas Jefferson

You have to dream before your dreams can come true.
- Abdul Kalam

Each day, I am healthier, younger,
stronger, more comfortable,
and more joyful than the day before.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The language of excitement is at best picturesque merely.
You must be calm before you can utter oracles.
- Henry David Thoreau

Because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies.
- Elie Wiesel

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight,
and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.
- Oscar Wilde

Sometimes before we make a record I go back and listen to a few.
It's equally humbling and uplifting.
- Michael Stipe

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
- Michael Jordan

Before the throne of the Almighty,
man will be judged not by his acts but by his intentions.
For God alone reads our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before -
it takes something from him.
- Louis L'Amour

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

More than any other in Western Europe,
Britain remains a country where a traveler has to think
twice before indulging in the ordinary food of ordinary people.
- Joseph Lelyveld

I like the silent church before the service begins,
better than any preaching.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All things are difficult before they are easy.
- Thomas Fuller

A poet is, before anything else, a person who is passionately in love with language.
- W. H. Auden

Man always dies before he is fully born.
- Erich Fromm

Who were you before you put yourself last.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank

There is nothing in which the birds differ more from
man than the way in which they can build and yet leave
a landscape as it was before.
- Robert Wilson Lynd

A friend is one before whom I can think aloud.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Republicans are for both the man and the dollar,
but in case of conflict the man before the dollar.
- Abraham Lincoln

As long as any adult thinks that he,
like the parents and teachers of old,
can become introspective,
invoking his own youth to understand
the youth before him,
he is lost.
- Margaret Mead

The car trip can draw the family together,
as it was in the days before television when parents
and children actually talked to each other.
- Andrew H. Malcolm

Plant thy foot firmly in the prints which His foot has made before thee.
- Joseph Barber Lightfoot

Children are born innocent.
Before they are domesticated they live in the moment,
love without fear, and don't even think about the opinions of others.
- don Miguel Ruiz

I tried to remember how to exhale.
I had to look away before it came back to me.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.