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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Got Quotes
Funny Quotes about Got

Let these funny Got Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke


 

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I'm not a real movie star.
I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
- Will Rogers


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Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

I wasn't always black...
there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
- Bill Cosby

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans

Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain

Hardly a man in the world has an opinion
upon morals, political, or religion
which he got otherwise than
through his associations and sympathies.
- Mark Twain

None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall

My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you
before you can move on.
- the movie Forrest Gump

It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him.
- Olin Miller

I don't think we're going to save anything if we go
around talking about saving plants and animals only;
we've got to translate that into what's in it for us.
- Jim Fowler

If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married,
and another list of the reasons for their divorce,
you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
- Mignon McLaughlin

You've got to grow up sometime.
- Winona Ryder

Every time you hear a bell ring,
it means that some angel's just got his wings.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)

Anybody who thinks money will make you happy,
hasn't got money.
- David Geffen

I've got to go.
That's one of the penalties of being a doctor.
I never seem to finish a conversation.
- Robert M. Fresco

My father and I have a very good relationship.
We always got along.
But I always scold him.
- Amy Sedaris

If you want to achieve things in life,
you've just got to do them, and if you're talented and smart,
you'll succeed.
- Juliana Hatfield

For my confirmation, I didn't get a watch and my first pair of long pants,
like most Lutheran boys.
I got a telescope.
My mother thought it would make the best gift.
- Wernher von Braun

It takes more than just a good looking body.
You've got to have the heart and soul to go with it.
- Epictetus

If you've got a talent, protect it.
- Jim Carrey

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 MPG.
- Bill Gates

She got her looks from her father.
He's a plastic surgeon.
- Groucho Marx

If you want to read about love and marriage,
you've got to buy two separate books.
- Alan King

Mother Nature may be forgiving this year,
or next year, but eventually she's going to come around and whack you.
You've got to be prepared.
- Geraldo Rivera

It's a round ball and a round bat, and you got to hit it square.
- Pete Rose

A policy is a temporary creed liable to be changed,
but while it holds good
it has got to be pursued with apostolic zeal.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles,
because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering
why Daddy was kissing someone else.
- Chevy Chase

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck,
but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.
- Steven Wright

I had my moments when I got very frightened that I would not recover.
- Fran Drescher

What's the use of a fine house if you haven't got
a tolerable planet to put it on?
- Henry David Thoreau

Mommy smoked but she didn't want us to.
She saw smoke coming out of the barn one time,
so we got whipped.
- Loretta Lynn

Love is the answer, and you know that for sure;
Love is a flower, you've got to let it grow.
- John Lennon

I got the bill for my surgery.
Now I know what those doctors were wearing masks for.
- James H. Boren

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

How can they say my life is not a success? Have I not
for more than sixty years got enough to eat and escaped being eaten?
- Logan P. Smith

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...
I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- Steven Wright

There comes a time when the mind
takes a higher plane of knowledge
but can never prove how it got there.
- Albert Einstein

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
- Lewis Carroll

I haven't got any special religion this morning.
My God is the God of Walkers.
If you walk hard enough,
you probably don't need any other god.
- Bruce Chatwin

I got to grow up with a mother who taught me to believe in me.
- Antonio Villaraigosa

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
- Henny Youngman

Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
- Bill Watterson

Old age is like everything else.
To make a success of it, you've got to start young.
- Theodore Roosevelt

You must pursue this investigation of Watergate even
if it leads to the president.
I'm innocent.
You've got to believe I'm innocent.
If you don't, take my job.
- Richard M. Nixon

The toughest thing about success is that you've got
to keep on being a success.
- Irving Berlin

I've got a new invention.
It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish.
- Lefty Gomez

I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel

Death is the last enemy: once we've got past that I
think everything will be alright.
- Alice Thomas Ellis

You have got to discover you, what you do,
and trust it.
- Barbra Streisand

When I was younger, my family would go camping and fishing on our ranches.
My dad loves being around all kinds of animals.
He's the one who got me to be a really big animal lover.
- Paris Hilton

He's got an overall flair for the game.
It looks to me like he really loves what he does and
he can't wait to get up in the morning,
go hit some balls and go play.
- Gary McCord

Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
- Langston Hughes

People who keep dogs are cowards who haven't got the
guts to bite people themselves.
- August Strindberg

If you can change three lives in 10,
three lives in a hundred,
that's got to be good, hasn't it?
- Ian Botham

I had to stop driving my car for a while...
the tires got dizzy.
- Steven Wright

My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca

I've had an exciting time; I married for love and got
a little money along with it.
- Rose Kennedy

Never trust anyone who wants what you've got.
Friend or no, envy is an overwhelming emotion.
- Eubie Blake

If we want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa

You're just left with yourself all the time,
whatever you do anyway.
You've got to get down to your
own God in your own temple.
It's all down to you, mate.
- John Lennon

My bottom is so big it's got its own gravitational field.
- Carol Vorderman

I've got all the money I'll ever need,
if I die by four o'clock.
- Henny Youngman


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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