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When I eventually met Mr. Right
by Rita Rudner

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner


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Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner


 

The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Fear of something is at the root of hate for others,
and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.
- George Washington Carver

If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it,
people will eventually come to believe it.
- Joseph Goebbels (Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany)

The obscure we see eventually.
The completely obvious,
it seems, takes longer.
- Edward R. Murrow

I wept because I had no shoes
until I met a man who had no feet.
- old Persian Proverb

If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you.
If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you.
But I did, I do, and I will.
- Anonymous

Each of us is burdened by an unlimited number of
expectations (demands) that we hold for the actions of others.
We "know" that there is a right way to do things,
and are often outraged when our expectations are not met.
Usually, we are unaware that we merely
have a strong opinion and point-of-view,
and are sure that we know how everything is supposed to be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have never met an aggressive person
who wasn't a fearful person.
- John Bradshaw

It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Just as in the comedies, a person who is in love
with the idea of love sees prospective partners
through the lens of idealism.
The reaction is, "This must be the one.
They are so perfect - the match of my dreams."
Is that person they just met a perfect match?
It's unlikely their friends think so.
So what happened? That person with the cute smile
was not much more than a mirror for the hopes and dreams
of the one in love with love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Cheer for endings - whether goals have been met or not -
whether the ending is tidy or ragged.
Without endings, there would be neither the opportunity
nor the incentive to think new thoughts,
and to begin great new projects.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Having seen the devastation of war first hand,
Eisenhower came both to despise war
and to see that "war settles nothing."
On the other hand, Ike was certainly no peacenik.
He understood that, in an emergency,
action must be met with reaction.
When truly necessary, violence met with violence -
but never hate responded to with hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)

The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain

Jesus was all right,
but his disciples were thick and ordinary.
It's them twisting it that ruins it for me.
- John Lennon

Morality is the theory that every human act
must be either right or wrong,
and that 99 % of them are wrong.
- H. L. Mencken

Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall

Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers

It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If it's Right, stand up for it - together.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Customs do not concern themselves
with right or wrong or reason.
But they have to be obeyed;
one reasons all around them until he is tired,
but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
- Mark Twain

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck.
If you live through it, you start looking
very carefully to the right and to the left.
- Jean Kerr

Everyone believes that their beliefs are the right ones -
that is why they are called beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

No matter how dull, or how mean, or how wise a man is,
he feels that happiness is his indisputable right.
- Helen Keller

The right to be irresponsible is a right I hold dear.
- Bono

The pendulum of the mind alternates
between sense and nonsense,
not between right and wrong.
- Carl Jung

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono

Confidence comes not from always being right
but from not fearing to be wrong.
- Peter T. Mcintyre

Do what you feel in your heart to be right.
You'll be criticized anyway.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill

I am not interested in power for power's sake,
but I'm interested in power that is moral,
that is right and that is good.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Do what you feel in your heart to be right -
for you'll be criticized anyway.
You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

You only live once, and once is enough
if you play your cards right.
- the movie Interiors (1978)

There is nothing wrong with America
that cannot be cured with what is right in America.
- William J. Clinton

We must use time wisely and forever realize
that the time is always ripe to do right.
- Nelson Mandela

Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead

You only live once -
but if you work it right, once is enough.
- Joe E. Lewis

A right delayed is a right denied.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

There are righteous people working
in a whole rainbow of belief systems -
from Hasidic Jews to right-wing Bible Belters
to charismatic Catholics.
- Bono

Never let your sense of morals
get in the way of doing what's right.
- Isaac Asimov

We can always choose to perceive things differently.
You can focus on what's wrong in your life,
or you can focus on what's right.
- Marianne Williamson

When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill

Perhaps it is better to be irresponsible and right,
than to be responsible and wrong.
- Winston Churchill

Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual,
you have an obligation to be one.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Freedom is the right to live as we wish.
- Epictetus

Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things.
- Peter F. Drucker

Today is the right day to do
what you have long wanted to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When people get caught up with that which is right
and they are willing to sacrifice for it,
there is no stopping point short of victory.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.