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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Up Quotes
Funny Quotes about Up

Let these funny Up Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
- Don Marquis


 

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch


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It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill

My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Brought up to respect the conventions,
love had to end in marriage.
I'm afraid it did.
- Bette Davis

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller

I don't have to look up my family tree,
because I know that I'm the sap.
- Fred Allen

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
- Casey Stengel

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet,
I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
- Al Gore

Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain

I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb

Creationists make it sound as though a "theory'
is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.
- Isaac Asimov

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This being grown up isn't all it's cracked up to be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin

Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous

Lighten up, have a rainbows and butterflies kind of day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead

As the evening beckons with the promise of tomorrow...
may your gratitude rise up and with strength answer, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

If it's Right, stand up for it - together.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein

It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich

The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton

You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill

None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall

Most truths are so naked
that people feel sorry for them
and cover them up,
at least a little bit.
- Edward R. Murrow

"Sometimes," said Pooh, "the smallest things take up the most room in your heart."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost

To give up yourself without regret is the greatest charity.
- Bodhidharma

Good manners sometimes means simply
putting up with other people's bad manners.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

IF it is to be, it is up to me.
- Anonymous

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.