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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny First Quotes
Funny Quotes about First

Let these funny First Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous PHOTO

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)


 

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner

If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)


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Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
- George Carlin

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous

There are four stages in a marriage.
First there's the affair,
then the marriage,
then children
and finally the fourth stage,
without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce.
- Norman Mailer

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Get the facts first.
You can distort them later.
- Mark Twain

Getting fired is nature's way to telling you
that you had the wrong job in the first place.
- Hal Lancaster

After the first blush of sin, comes its indifference.
- Henry David Thoreau

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Immortality is a long shot, I admit.
But somebody has to be first.
- Bill Cosby

Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

I don't know which will go first - rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first, rock 'n' roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston

All things at first appear difficult.
- Chinese proverb

Seek first to understand,
then to be understood.
- Stephen Covey

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink.
I needn't argue with that; I'm right and I will be proved right.
We're more popular than Jesus now;
I don't know which will go first - rock and roll or Christianity.
- John Lennon

To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore

Belief is a virus, and once it gets into you,
its first order of business is to preserve itself,
and the way it preserves itself
is to keep you from having any doubts,
and the way it keeps you from doubting
is to blind you to the way things really are.
- Philip Caputo

Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
- Anonymous

Faith is taking the first step,
even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you,
then they fight you, then you win.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

During the first period of a man's life
the greatest danger is not to take the risk.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The first quality that is needed is audacity.
- Winston Churchill

Give thanks for the rainbows, for the butterflies,
for all God's creatures - large and small,
for the bright blue sky and the soft fog and the gentle rain,
for the tree veiled in the season's first frost,
for the baby's laugh, for the touch of a hand
and the whispered "I love you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Lovers who have been left, lose confidence and become afraid.
They learn to leave relationships first.
The broken hearted become the heart breakers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous

Okay, here's your first lesson: how to take a FALL!
- the movie Karate Kid

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolph Hitler

Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I spent the first fourteen years of my life convinced
that my looks were hideous.
Adolescence is painful for everyone,
I know,
but mine was plain weird.
- Uma Thurman

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
- Epictetus

A man's work is nothing but this slow trek to rediscover,
through the detours of art, those two or three great
and simple images in whose presence his heart first opened.
- Albert Camus

Do not say, "It is morning,"
and dismiss it with a name of yesterday.
See it for the first time
as a newborn child that has no name.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Beauty is the first present nature gives to women and the first it takes away.
- Fay Weldon

The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability
to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time
and still retain the ability to function.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

A dramatic thing, the first time you stand up to your dad.
- Lenny Kravitz

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

In order to get beyond racism, we must first take account of race.
There is no other way.
And in order to treat some persons equally,
we must treat them differently.
- Harry A. Blackmun

Self-trust is the first secret of success.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

First say to yourself what you would be;
then do what you have to do.
- Epictetus

We require from buildings two kinds of goodness:
first,
the doing their practical duty well:
then that they be graceful and pleasing in doing it.
- John Ruskin

Nothing happens unless first a dream.
- Carl Sandburg

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
- P. J. O'Rourke

Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things
no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving
America a new sense of purpose.
- Andy Rooney

Life ... is like a parachute jump:
you have to get it right the first time.
- Margaret Mead

He was a bold man that first eat an oyster.
- Jonathan Swift

Let him that would move the world first move himself.
- Socrates

Peace is the first thing the angels sang.
- John Keble

God Almighty first planted a garden.
And indeed, it is the purest of human pleasures.
- Francis Bacon

The first step towards the solution
of any problem is optimism.
- John Baines

I've always put my family first and that's just the way it is.
- Jamie Lee Curtis

A fool and his money are lucky enough to get together in the first place.
- Stanley Weiser

You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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