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Let these funny Tanks Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
One may as well dam for water tanks
the people's cathedrals and churches,
for no holier temple has ever
been consecrated by the heart of man.
- John Muir
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
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A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
Perhaps one has to be very old before one learns
to be amused rather than shocked.
- Pearl S. Buck
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.