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Let these funny Dumber Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
Too clever is dumb.
- Ogden Nash
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
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A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable.
- Anonymous
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
Money often costs too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion
without the discomfort of thought.
- John F. Kennedy
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack
that life is extinct on other planets
because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
- John F. Kennedy
It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Rules are mostly made to be broken
and are too often for the lazy to hide behind.
- Douglas MacArthur
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
You are never too old to set another goal
or to dream a new dream.
- C. S. Lewis
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
It is a mistake to look too far ahead.
Only one link in the chain of destiny
can be handled at a time.
- Winston Churchill
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
This too, shall pass.
- Bible
Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman
A man too busy to take care of his health is like
a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
- Alfred Adler
Life is too short, time is too precious,
and the stakes are too high
to dwell on what might have been.
- Hilary Clinton
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt
until they are too strong to be broken.
- Samuel Johnson
I used to believe in forever, but forever's too good to be true.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin
Whoever is happy will make others happy too.
- Anne Frank
So long as you have courage and a sense of humor,
it is never too late to start life afresh.
- Freeman Dyson
"I wonder what Piglet is doing," thought Pooh.
"I wish I were there to be doing it, too."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
He who is too busy doing good
finds no time to be good.
- Rabindranath Tagore
An overfull calendar, like an overfull stomach,
is a consequence of taking on too much.
Commit, and eat, in moderation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.
- Epicurus
I would rather be exposed to
the inconveniences attending too much liberty
than those attending too small a degree of it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Reading, after a certain age,
diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits.
Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little
falls into lazy habits of thinking.
- Albert Einstein
It is not the man who has too little,
but the man who craves more, that is poor.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.
This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated
thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein
Walking takes longer...
than any other known form of locomotion except crawling.
Thus it stretches time and prolongs life.
Life is already too short to waste on speed.
- Edward Abbey
By not caring too much about what people think,
I'm able to think for myself
and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular.
And I succeed.
- Albert Ellis
In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government
results from too much government.
- Thomas Jefferson
One who is too insistent on his own views,
finds few to agree with him.
- Lao Tzu
Work Hard. Do your best. Keep your word.
Never get too big for your britches.
Trust in God. Have no fear;
and Never forget a friend.
- Harry S. Truman
During life, none of us is 100% open to Spirit -
we have too much ego to do that.
Only at death do we give up our ego and completely open to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.