Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z

Funny Listening Quotes
Funny Quotes about Listening

Let these funny Listening Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Trees are the earth's endless effort
to speak to the listening heaven.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


Most people do not listen with the intent to understand;
they listen with the intent to reply.
- Stephen R. Covey

Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain

Dance like no one is watching,
love like you'll never be hurt.
Sing like no one is listening.
Live life like it's heaven on earth.
- Anonymous (various attributions and alternate phrasings)


 

Spend time every day listening to what your muse is trying to tell you.
- Saint Bartholomew

When one has the feeling of dislike for evil,
when one feels tranquil,
one finds pleasure in listening to good teachings;
when one has these feelings and appreciates them,
one is free of fear.
- The Buddha

Conversations with God are very different
from the usual nature of prayer.
Prayers are commonly only in one direction -
the one praying speaks and hopes God is listening.
Prayers also tend to focus on asking
for specific things or outcomes one wants,
rather than seeking to better understand the mind of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
- Winston Churchill

It's so sweet, I feel like my teeth
are rotting when I listen to the radio.
- Bono

Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer

Curiosity takes courage.
The most important promises are the ones you make to yourself.
Pay Attention.
Appreciate. Listen. Imagine.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Listen to the compass of your heart.
All you need lies within you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Be skeptical, but learn to listen.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Listen to all, plucking a feather
from every passing goose,
but, follow no one absolutely.
- Chinese Proverb

It is the province of knowledge to speak,
and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Anthropology demands the open-mindedness
with which one must look and listen,
record in astonishment
and wonder that which one would not have been able to guess.
- Margaret Mead

Everyone hears what you say.
Friends listen to what you say.
Best friends listen to what you don't say.
- Anonymous

Don't give up. There are too many nay-sayers out there
who will try to discourage you.
Don't listen to them.
The only one who can make you give up is yourself.
- Sidney Sheldon

Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.
- Native American Proverb

We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus

Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein

I Listen to the Heartbeat of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

We listen. We listen. We move.
We sit. It rains. The sun comes out.
(there stands a friend)
We listen. We laugh. We share.
We sit. We dance. It rains.
There stands a friend.
We listen. We share. We sit. We dance.
The sun comes up.
There. I stand, a friend.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply
about what you believe in.
When you stumble, keep faith.
When you're knocked down, get right back up.
And never listen to anyone who says
you can't or shouldn't go on.
- Hilary Clinton

There are choirs singing in your head.
If you listen, you will hear the music.
It is the song of angels.
Pay no attention to the sounds of the world.
They are just noises, and even when
added up all together
they have no value, make no sense.
Strain to hear the song of angels.
Listen to the melody within your soul.
- Neale Donald Walsch

You have made people listen.
You have made people care, and you have taught us
that whether we are poor or prosperous,
we have only one world to share.
You have taught young people that
they do have the power to change the world.
- Kofi Annan, UN Secretary General, to Bono. (November 1999)

I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz

A city is a place where there is no need to
wait for next week to get the answer to a question,
to taste the food of any country,
to find new voices to listen to and familiar ones to listen to again.
- Margaret Mead

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.
- Jimi Hendrix

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver

Knowledge talks, Wisdom listens.
- Anonymous

Above all, don't lie to yourself.
The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie
comes to a point that he cannot
distinguish the truth within him, or around him,
and so loses all respect for himself and for others.
- Fyodor Dostoyevsky

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

We are all connected to everyone and everything in the universe.
Therefore, everything one does as an individual affects the whole.
All thoughts, words, images, prayers, blessings,
and deeds are listened to by all that is.
- Serge Kahili King

I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill

You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh

What does coffee and donuts have to do with God?
- the movie Simon Birch (1998)

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God
is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.
- Thomas Jefferson

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death

God doesn't make junk.
- Anonymous

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God has cared for these trees,
saved them from drought, disease, avalanches,
and a thousand tempests and floods.
But he cannot save them from fools.
- John Muir

I don't doubt God. I have firm faith absolutely in God.
It's religion I'm doubting.
- Bono

God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
- Voltaire

God is at play,
I am his modeling clay.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon

Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden

When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The God of Children and Fools:
There once was a man way up high,
who sat on his chair in the sky.
he called down to fool us,
and said he would rule us,
until we woke up bye and bye.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Thank you for visiting: Funny Listening Quotes - Funny Quotes about Listening.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.