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Funny Dog Quotes
Funny Quotes about Dog

Let these funny Dog Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
- Jay London

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)


 

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)


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Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain

Some days you're the dog,
and some days you're the hydrant.
- Anonymous

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

Stress is always waiting
just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Make a conscious choice to live
a serene and stress-free life.
Stress is always waiting just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
- Rita Rudner

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Do you know how many calories are in butter and cheese
and ice cream? Would you get your dog up in the morning
for a cup of coffee and a donut?
- Jack LaLanne

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions,
including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.
- Doug Larson

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
- Rodney Dangerfield

If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face,
you should go home and examine your conscience.
- Woodrow Wilson

It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat,
and the dog was walking.
- Mickey Rivers

Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less
of love than the child that lost a dog yesterday.
- Thornton Wilder

Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job.
- Franklin P. Jones

Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you.
- Austin O'Malley

I poured spot remover on my dog.
Now he's gone.
- Steven Wright

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.
- Kinky Friedman

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.
- Josh Billings

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet -
so we bought a dog.
Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
- Rita Rudner

There's a saying.
If you want someone to love you forever,
buy a dog, feed it and keep it around.
- Dick Dale

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.
- Aldous Huxley

What counts is not necessarily
the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower quoting Mark Twain

If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear
a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
- Fran Lebowitz

It couldn't sound like a dog, because K9 isn't a dog,
but I made it sound as mechanical as possible.
- John Leeson

The dog is the god of frolic.
- Henry Ward Beecher

If a dog jumps into your lap, it is because he is fond of you;
but if a cat does the same thing,
it is because your lap is warmer.
- Alfred North Whitehead

I've tried word processors, but I think I'm too old a dog to use one.
- Dee Brown

Within 10 years it will be impossible to travel to
the North Pole by dog team.
There will be too much open water.
- Will Steger

In modern war...
you will die like a dog for no good reason.
- Ernest Hemingway

I was a dog in a past life.
Really.
I'll be walking down the street and dogs will do a sort of double take.
Like, Hey, I know him.
- William H. Macy

The dog that trots about finds a bone.
- Golda Meir

Every dog has his day.
- Proverb

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance,
and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Every dog has his day, unless he loses his tail,
then he has a weak-end.
- June Carter

If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
- Ann Landers

A hungry dog hunts best.
A hungrier dog hunts even better.
- Norman Ralph Augustine

I'm French, so I'm quite lazy about exercising,
and I smoke.
But I do love going for a run in the morning with my dog.
That's all.
- Eva Green

There's just me and my wife and a dog and we feed him Healthy Choice also.
- Mike Ditka

I'm not buddy-buddy with the players.
If they need a buddy, let them buy a dog.
- Whitey Herzog

Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
- John Peers

I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog which growls every morning,
a parrot which swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli

I've always been an animal lover.
I've grown up with dogs my whole life.
I think that is what helped me get the role on 'Lassie',
I was comfortable around the dog, where many of the
kids were afraid or intimidated by Lassie.
- Will Estes

I like cats.
I used to have a lot of cats, but I don't anymore,
now I just have a dog.
It does take a certain temperament to have a cat,
as they do have certain personalities.
- Jennifer Love Hewitt

Every dog must have his day.
- Jonathan Swift

The first dog I had was owned by an abusive couple.
He was very skittish.
He wouldn't let me hold him.
It was explained to me that it was because of how he was treated.
- Casey Affleck

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up
to its level of sagacity,
but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.
- James Thurber

Truth is a good dog; but always beware of barking too
close to the heels of an error,
lest you get your brains kicked out.
- Francis Bacon

I love working in Canada.
The ovation is great.
It makes me feel like I'm the top dog.
- Owen Hart

Sentimental irony is a dog that bays at the moon while pissing on graves.
- Karl Kraus

Debbie Gibson and dog food.
I've always dreamed of this.
- Julie Brown

I was in New York and I walked into this pet store and came out with a dog.
- Beverley Mitchell

A bone to the dog is not charity.
Charity is the bone shared with the dog,
when you are just as hungry as the dog.
- Jack London

The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a
fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you,
but he will make a fool of himself too.
- Samuel Butler

People will sooner aid a sick dog lying on the sidewalk
than to try to find shelter for a sick person.
It's too much to deal with.
- Michael Zaslow

I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines
can tell this at a glance -
a sharp,
vindictive glance.
- James Thurber

It was dog food.
Beef livers with onions in a can.
You open it up and it looks like vomit.
- Tom Sizemore

I don't smoke, I try to eat right, and I love doing
yoga and going for hikes with my dog.
- Sarah Chalke

It's funny to me that people find other people getting
coffee really interesting,
or walking their dog in the dog park.
- Jake Gyllenhaal

One of the makeup artists once dyed my dog blue with vegetable blue.
- Mia Kirshner

I'm half-Irish, half-Dutch, and I was born in Belgium.
If I was a dog, I'd be in a hell of a mess!
- Audrey Hepburn

People who wear fur smell like a wet dog if they're in the rain.
And they look fat and gross.
- Pamela Anderson


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