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Abraham Lincoln Quotes
Funny Quotes by Abraham Lincoln

Let these funny Abraham Lincoln Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
- Abraham Lincoln

Marriage is neither heaven nor hell,
it is simply purgatory.
- Abraham Lincoln

The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln


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No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln


 

Hold on with a bulldog grip,
and chew and choke as much as possible.
- Abraham Lincoln

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln

Avoid popularity if you would have peace.
- Abraham Lincoln

I can make more generals, but horses cost money.
- Abraham Lincoln

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln

These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln

How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln) PHOTO

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln PHOTO

In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln

I have always found that mercy bears
richer fruits than strict justice.
- Abraham Lincoln

I don't like that man.
I must get to know him better.
- Abraham Lincoln

The philosophy of the school room in one generation
will be the philosophy of government in the next.
- Abraham Lincoln

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me.
They have clung to me all my life.
- Abraham Lincoln

Important principles may, and must, be inflexible.
- Abraham Lincoln

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
- Abraham Lincoln

These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln

Fourscore and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth on this continent,
a new nation, conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
- Abraham Lincoln

Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed
is more important than any other one thing.
- Abraham Lincoln

The time comes upon every public man
when it is best for him to keep his lips closed.
- Abraham Lincoln

When I do good, I feel good.
When I do bad, I feel bad.
That's my religion.
- Abraham Lincoln

Give me six hours to chop down a tree
and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.
- Abraham Lincoln

Whatever you are, be a good one.
- Abraham Lincoln

If once you forfeit the confidence of your fellow-citizens,
you can never regain their respect and esteem.
- Abraham Lincoln

I was losing interest in politics,
when the repeal of the Missouri Compromise aroused me again.
What I have done since then is pretty well known.
- Abraham Lincoln

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln

He who molds the public sentiment...
makes statutes and decisions possible or impossible to make.
- Abraham Lincoln

Republicans are for both the man and the dollar,
but in case of conflict the man before the dollar.
- Abraham Lincoln

I hope to stand firm enough to not go backward,
and yet not go forward fast enough
to wreck the country's cause.
- Abraham Lincoln

Let's have faith that right makes might;
and in that faith let us, to the end,
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Towering genius disdains a beaten path.
It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.
- Abraham Lincoln

The people themselves, and not their servants,
can safely reverse their own deliberate decisions.
- Abraham Lincoln

There is nothing true anywhere,
The true is nowhere to be seen;
If you say you see the true,
This seeing is not the true one.
- Abraham Lincoln paraphrasing Lao Tzu' Tao te Ching

The probability that we may fail
in the struggle ought not to deter us
from the support of a cause we believe to be just.
- Abraham Lincoln

I'm a slow walker, but I never walk backward.
- Abraham Lincoln

If I had eight hours to chop down a tree,
I'd spend six hours sharpening my ax.
- Abraham Lincoln

I don't know who my grandfather was;
I am much more concerned to know what his grandson will be.
- Abraham Lincoln

If there is anything that a man can do well,
I say let him do it. Give him a chance.
- Abraham Lincoln

People are just as happy
as they make up their minds to be.
- Abraham Lincoln

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln

You can fool all the people some of the time,
and some of the people all the time,
but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
- Abraham Lincoln (sometimes attributed to P. T. Barnum)

I walk slowly, but I never walk backward.
- Abraham Lincoln

The ballot is stronger than the bullet.
- Abraham Lincoln

The people will save their government,
if the government itself will allow them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Don't worry when you are not recognized,
but strive to be worthy of recognition.
- Abraham Lincoln

A house divided against itself cannot stand.
- Abraham Lincoln

I am a firm believer in the people.
If given the truth, they can be depended upon
to meet any national crisis.
The great point is to bring them the real facts.
- Abraham Lincoln

I do not think much of a man who is
not wiser today than he was yesterday.
- Abraham Lincoln

I never had a policy;
I have just tried to do my very best each and every day.
- Abraham Lincoln

You cannot escape the responsibility
of tomorrow by evading it today.
- Abraham Lincoln

Some single mind must be master,
else there will be no agreement in anything.
- Abraham Lincoln

I want it said of me by those who knew me best,
that I always plucked a thistle and planted a flower
where I thought a flower would grow.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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